Star Floors: Revenge of the Smith
by Monty Python61
Summary: ATTN: Big Duel is here! NEW! Chap 20! Read and Review!
1. Lifting Weights

Star Floors: Revenge of the Smith

Chapter 1. The Rescue (yeah right)

A vast sea of stars serves as the backdrop for the Main Title, followed by a rollup, which crawls into infinity.

"Aaaand...ACTION!"

War! The Republic is crumbling under attacks by the ruthless Sith Lord, Count KooKoo. There are dumbos on both sides. Evil is nowhere.

In a stunning move, (not) the fiendish droid leader, General Sleezious, has swept into the Republic capital and kidnapped Chancellor Ovaltine, leader of the Galactic Senate.

As the Separatist Droid Army attempts to flee the besieged capital with their valuable hostage, two Jedi Knights lead a stupid mission to rescue the captive Chancellor and end up destroying any hopes for peace. . . .

"ACK!" wheezed Anaking hitting himself in the chest. It was a fine day on Floorescant and Anaking Smoopywhopper and Mopy Khan Kleenobi were lifting weights at the local gym. Ani had recently dropped the dumbbell on himself while attempting the bench-press. As usual, Mopy-Khan lifted the measly weight off his young apprentice, saving him from suffocating.

Mopy sighed. "Listen my young padawan," he said resting his meaty hand on Ani's shoulder, "Use the Source, USE THE SOURCE! You can LEVITATE the weight!" he shrieked, very exasperated.

Anaking chuckled and then wheezed. "But Mopy," he said condescendingly, "that would take EFFORT! Ack!" he hit himself again, falling backwards, and smashing Mopy's sunglasses.

Mopy rolled his eyes. "In the name of..." he helped Anaking to his feet. Ani sheepishly rose, and without a single word of gratitude, slung his towel over his shoulder and stomped to the shower. He began singing horribly.

Mopy snatched his broken sunglasses, and trudged home.

Later that day at the Jedi temple, Mace Pepperspray, Foda, and the other Jedi masters were seated in their merry circle discussing nothing in particular.

"What plan for the war do we have?" asked Foda majestically.

Mace shook his head. "I do not know what should be decide..."

At that moment, Anaking and Mopy Khan burst into the room. Mopy had soapsuds in his hair and a pink towel around his naked form. Anaking was chasing him holding gardening shears. Both skidded to a stop in front of the shocked council.

"Meaning of this what is?" screamed Foda turning a shade of purple.

"Um...um...um...um...um...um...um..."stammered Mopy glaring at Anaking who was slowly inching towards the door.

"REPEAT DO I!" shrieked Foda.

Mace glared.

"He...I...he...um..."stuttered Mopy.

"He was trying to kill me!" volunteered Anaking cowering behind Mace's seat with false fear. Everyone stared at him with contempt. He then remembered the shears he was holding. He hastily hid them behind his back and plastered a fake smile on his impish face. "Heh heh heh!" he chuckled uncomfortably.

"JUST FOR THIS outrage!" yelled Foda.

Anaking was puzzled along with the rest. "Just for this outrage...what?" asked Ani.

Foda continued. "You and Mopy shall have to go rescue Chancellor Ovaltine!"

"Oh no! Not the dreaded Ovaltine!" squealed Ani in mock fear.

The two fools were booted out onto the temple steps with speeder keys and a couple bottles of Inter-Galactic Scum Rum.

"Well, my young padawan, you have surely done it THIS time." Mopy sighed. "What?" pouted Ani.

"NOW WE HAVE TO RISK OUR STUPID LIVES TO GO RESCUE SOME OLD FART WHO REALLY SHOULDN'T BE RESCUED!" screamed Mopy.

Anaking was taken aback. "Oh. Sorry." And with that amazing apology, he hopped into a speeder and zoomed off with Mopy Khan on his tail.

While all this was going on, General Sleezious was pacing back and forth and smacking every droid in his path. "HRRRMMMM, HACK, HACK!" he coughed. "Shoulda quit smoking twenty years ago," he mumbled to himself. "ACKAKAKAKAK!" he wheezed lighting up a cigarette.

Ani and Mopy were speeding towards the battle with determination. Anaking was determined to do this rescue the right way. He pictured himself crowned in glory with a wreath of leaves on his head. As these images floated around in his brain, he and his ship were heading for a large battle ship. He broke from his fantasy in time to swerve, but he lost the tip of his wing in the process. He spun crazily around and crashed into Mopy Khan. He was thrown across his dashboard and landed on the control panel. His ship began firing at Mopy's ship. PING! PING! PING! K-BAMB! Mopy's droid was gone.

"Uh..oops!" cried Ani who was hopelessly tangled in his seatbelt. Mopy gained control and moved to bump Ani's speeder with his wing. Ani felt the crash and was infuriated. "YOU CHEATED!" he screamed. Mopy grinned.

As they sped past a large black station, sparrow droids leaped off and zoomed at the two of them. "Peculiar Sphere, do you copy?" said Mopy attempting to control his guffaws.

"I'm on your tail, General Kleenobi." The cone commander replied.

"You're on my what? I'm calling the cops." He muttered. "Geez-a-lou, ya can't drive these days without SOME IDIOT tailgating you!" he cried picking up his inter-telecom.

"No, no! I'm not tailgating! 'I'm on your tail' means that I'm following you as backup!" hollered the annoyed cone.

"Oh!" said Mopy happily. He easily veered to the right to dodge one of the oncoming sparrow droids. He fired his blasters and shot up a few and Peculiar Sphere shot some more. Anaking was having lots of fun waving to them as they passed. Then one fired at him. He giggled loud and annoyingly as he hit his tactical maneuver button and zipped out of the way. The shot was still coming directly at Mopy Khan who was rather oblivious. "Watch out Mopy!" cried Anaking.

Mopy looked up from his crossword puzzle and hooted as the missile shot directly at him. He took up his controls and swerved sharply to the left and then up and then to the left some more. The missile was still coming. Anaking didn't realize it, but there was another missile heading for him as well. Arfoo beeped out a warning and Anaking woke from his nice doze and put the pedal to the metal. He went into a wild spin in hopes that the missile would crash. Instead, he was the one who almost crashed but the missiles blew up instead. "Hee hee hee!" he cackled insanely, longish deer colored hair flying. He tossed his head flippantly, and pushed one of the locks out of his eyes.

Mopy was still having trouble with his missile, but eventually escaped. He grinned. His smile fell when he realized the shields were still up. Anaking saw his chance for redemption and fired his blasters at Sleezious' ship. The shield fell, but the doors began closing with tremendous speed. "SPEED!" cried Anaking, "YOU ARE IN EXTREME DANGER!" he giggled. Mopy replied, "It's okay TRIXIE! HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR!" he laughed. Anaking and Mopy kept spinning and shooting until they had crashed their way into Count KooKoo's ship. Ani's speeder landed upside down so he could not get the hatch open. He lit his lightsaber and carved a hole in the floor, which was now the roof. The chunk fell and hit him on the head. He leaped out and promptly began attacking Mopy.

Mopy shook him off and Ani clung to his master's ankle. "OW!" screamed Mopy, for Ani bit him. Fortunately for Anaking, a bunch of battle droids came out and began firing on them. Mopy started shooting at them, forgetting about Ani. Anaking ran for dear life and began hitting the elevator button with all his strength. "OPEN, DOOR! Open your heart to me! I can't live without your looooove!" sang Ani tapping his foot impatiently. He slipped and fell into the elevator which just opened. Mopy was being attacked severely by the droids and he turned and fled. He leaped into the elevator just as the doors were shutting. Pictures of Count KooKoo were hanging around the elevator. KooKoo had an infatuation with dress up costumes. In every picture he was dressed as something different. Anaking pointed at one picture. "Can you tell what he is in this one?' he asked Mopy.

"He's a Jedi in that one."

"They make Jedi costumes? I'm getting one," confirmed Ani.

"What in the name of Saint Nick would you want one for? You ARE a Jedi for crying out loud!" hooted Mopy.

Ani was disappointed. "Ok, well how about this one?" he gestured at a large photo of KooKoo in an Ariel costume.

Mopy passed out.

Ani liked the idea of dressing like Ariel. He browsed around looking at the other costumes. He saw one which he thought looked like a cowboy costume. He smacked Mopy Khan. "Hey is he a cowboy in this one?" Ani asked in a loud hushed voice.

Mopy glanced blearily up at the photo. "No, he's a pirate." Then he rolled over and stared at the ceiling. "Hey Ani, isn't this ride up taking a little long?"

Anaking, who had been studying the photo intently, jumped three feet. "WHAT? Oh. Yeah. Maybe a little long." He continued looking at the picture. He whipped out a pad. "Where was that picture again, "he scanned the elevator for the cowboy photo. " I see it. Oh, this is going to be easy!" he quickly scribbled out a rough drawing so he could remember it when he got back to Floorescant.

He and Mopy weren't going anywhere. Anaking shouted into his comlink. "Arfoo, get this sorry 'vator going!" he hollered waving his arms around. He accidentally hit Mopy who had just begun to rise. "Oh for the love of," yelled Mopy.

The elevator suddenly shot up at a bazillion miles an hour. Anaking who loved speed, yelled, "This is where the fun begins!"

Mopy promptly kicked him.

Ani hardly seemed to notice it.

The elevator screeched to a grinding halt and Anaking and Mopy Khan leaped (or tried to leap, Ani slipped and fell into Mopy a few times) and ran down the corridor.

General Sleezious was continuing his monotonous pacing and was smoking his twenty-seventh cigarette. He glared over at the Separatist leader who was quietly wringing his hands. "What's the situation captain?" he rasped pounding on his chest and doubling over.

The poor fellow was watching the security cameras and saw Anaking and Mopy stumbling and sliding down the halls.

"HA! We've got them!" choked the Droid.

Anaking and Mopy were quite unaware that anyone was watching them. Mopy kept grabbing his Padawan's cloak to keep the young Jedi from falling. "Jeez Ani, can't you just walk normally?" gasped Mopy who was rather worn out.

"Yes," replied Ani indignantly, "I just need a quick slug of somethin'..."

"HERE!" hollered Mopy, dragging the bewildered apprentice by his ear. He thrust him into a small kitchenette. There was a large bottle of water and some little cups next to it. Anaking grabbed one and held it under the spout. He pressed the green Start button. The water went off after three seconds.

"Did you press the stop button?" Ani asked quizzically.

"No, did you?" retorted Mopy who was still a bit angry with Ani at the moment.

"No!" cried Anaking.

"Then our worst fears have been realized. We must move quickly if the Jedi Order is to survive," said Mopy sarcastically.

Ani pouted.


	2. Who is Smith?

Okay, everyone! This chapter is shorter, but still good I hope! R&R! Ps thanks for everyone's reviews! They are very appreciated!

Chapter 2: Who is Smith?

Smith was the head of the Smith. He had such a huge ego that he re-named the Sith after himself. He also like the sound of: Hearth Smith of the Smith. He also absolutely loved double venti caramel mocha frappuccinos from Starmegabucks.

He liked to be otherwise known as Chancellor Ovaltine. Although he wished it dearly, there was absolutely nothing evil about him. He tried but failed miserably to get a new apprentice. Even the bums from the Gangsta District refused. He finally decided to settle for Anaking. Even so, He still wasn't sure if even someone as clumsy as Ani would want to join the Light Side.(It was called the Light Side because Ovaltine really wasn't bad) He feigned his capture to get Anaking to kill Count KooKoo who owed him twenty five thousand dollars from their last poker game. He was too weak to kill him himself. If Anaking wouldn't turn, he figured that he could settle down in an apartment above Starmegabucks and live the rest of his life in peace.

Anaking and Mopy Khan continued down the corridor. They eventually burst in to the large room where Ovaltine was being held. The chancellor looked up in surprise. He had just finished test tasting the latest version of Starmegabucks' iced venti caramel mocha frappuccino. He did not like it as much as the hot one. Anaking was looking about warily.

"What now?" sighed Mopy who was not worried. Whatever it was it was probably one of Anaking's 'funny jokes'. Ani pointed a shaking middle finger at who was coming down the stairs.

Mopy was appalled. Who had taught his padawan such fowl hand signs? He hastily grabbed Ani's arm and yanked his finger down. "What do you think you're doing?" he hissed.

"Whaaaaat?" whined Ani very nasally.

"You do NOT use that hand sign in public or ANWHERE else!"

"What hand sign?" asked Ani very confused.

"Ya know, _the bird_?" said Mopy.

"No, I don't," replied Ani stupidly.

"Auuuggghhh! Never mind. Just try and point with your INDEX finger form now on!" he fairly screamed.

"Geez, you old coots sure are touchy!" cried Ani pulling away from Mopy's grasp. He continued pointing this time with his index finger.

"Better," sighed Mopy Khan.

"It's Count KooKoo!" hooted Anaking doing a double flip and landing on his head.

Count KooKoo galloped in on a fake horse with a straw cowboy hat on his white head.

"What in the name of.." gasped Mopy as he spied the elderly Smith.

"HOOOME, HOME ON THE RANGE, WHERE THE DEER AND THE ANTELOPE PLAAAAY!" sang KooKoo dramatically.

Ovaltine was annoyed. "KooKoo, quit this foolishness, you buffoon!" he yelled taking another swig of his frappuccino.

KooKoo shed himself of his wacky garments and lit his pink frightsaber. "Army or not, you must know that you are doomed!" he jeered grazing lankily about on his thin legs.

"Not if anything to say about it I have," replied Mopy Khan swiftly lunging at the crazy Smith. He had forgotten one minor detail, however. As Mopy lunged KooKoo saw his chance and took a swing at the defenseless Mopy who had forgotten to ignite his frightsaber. Fortunately, he was a terrible aim, and cut off the top of Ovaltine's frappuccino.

"Uh, oops... hahahahahahahahahahaha!" he cackled insanely.

Anaking ran to help Mopy who couldn't remember how to light his saber. "AAARRRRRRRGGG!" he hollered angrily, chucking the frightsaber over his shoulder with contempt.

"DIE DIE DIEEEEE!" screamed KooKoo jabbing at nothing in particular. He did cut a nice gash in the wall however.

Anaking easily ignited his saber and cut the insane dude's hands off. "Take that ya weasel!" he hooted throwing back his head to laugh.

"Anaking, there's no time!" said Ovaltine hurriedly, "We must go if we are to make it out alive!"

"Well," thought Ani sensibly, " If we are to die, then his fate shall be the same as ours! HA!" he chopped KooKoo's head off evilly.

Mopy was very embarrassed to have been shown up by his clumsy padawan, so he hastily stuck his foot out and tripped him. Anaking noticed nothing out of the ordinary and simply rose, and continued trying to free the chancellor from the bonds that didn't even exist. Mopy hit Ani on the ear. "Get away from him, you klutz!" he shrieked.

"WHYYYY?" whined Anaking, high pitched and annoyingly.

"TAKE A SEAT, YOUNG SMOOPYFLOOPER!" bellowed Mopy who was at the end of his rope.

Anaking let great, fat, stupid tears flow freely. Mopy was ashamed. "Listen my young padawan..." he comforted, "You are strong and wise, Anaking," at this Anaking let out a loud guffaw. They both knew he was neither strong nor wise. "And I am very proud of you," snarled Mopy with his teeth gritted. "OR MAYBE I'M NOT!" he shrieked.

Anaking giggled childishly and skipped off happily.

Mopy rolled his eyes. He was beginning to lose patience with his padawan.

The three of them ran out of the room and to the elevator. Anaking was beginning to sing his 'Open your Heart to Me' song, but Mopy socked him in the gut.

The ship began to shudder and shake, and then began to turn upside down. Ovaltine scrambled up a fight of stairs as if they were eggs, and Mopy and Ani followed. They went up and up until they came to another elevator. Ovaltine hit the down button (because up was now down and they really wanted to go down which was really up. Confused? Don't care.) Anyhoo, they ran along the tunnel of the elevator until the ship began leveling out. They opened a hatch and made their way to the control room where General Sleezious was.

They entered the room. Battle droids were everywhere punching buttons, buttoning punches (that really makes no sense does it?) and one was swabbing the deck. General Sleezious kicked him. "Are you STUPID...hack kack kaCK," he gasped.

"I speck," volunteered the droid.

"Just because you speak does NOT make you intelligent!" rasped the large general puffing on a Cuban cigar.

"Hello there!" said Mopy cheerily.


	3. Double Venti Caramel Mocha Frappuccinos

okay peeps, i went really hasty on this one. R&R please!

disclaimer (I kinda, HEH! forgot abouthis on the other chappies HEH HEH!) Iown nothing bladdy blah, so any lawyer who wants to sue me can go jump off a bridge.

Chapter 3: Double Venti Caramel Mocha Frappuccinos

General Sleezious whipped around to face the impudent Jedi.

"I thought that you had QUIT smoking, General _Wheezious,"_ said Anaking stepping forward.

"And who is this? Isildur's Heir?" said Sleezious dumbly.

Anaking was confused. "I'm confused," he said. "We're not in Lord of the Rings. This is Star Floors!" he said giving the general a playful poke in the gut.

"HOOOAHHHH HACK hack hack," choked Sleezious holding onto a flimsy computer console for support.

"JEDI SCUM!" he shrieked.

"Scum?" said Ani, remembering the gift that Foda had given them on their departure. "We have the New and Improved Inter-Galactic Scum Rum! For all the scummiest scums in the galaxy!" said Anaking sounding strangely like an infomercial.

"Hmm," muttered the oversized droid, "this is very good!' he said taking a swig.

"I thought that was for US!" shouted Mopy angrily.

"Apparently not," replied Ani.

At that moment, Sleezious had had enough of the Jedi's wearisome jabber so he gave the order to fire.

Ani and Mopy ducked just in time. "They overshot us," said Mopy.

Two droids came up behind them. "They're coming around!" shouted Anaking deflecting the shots with his orange frightsaber.

He nicked Mopy on the ear. "OW! Oh, for the love of...Anaking, we'll do it TOGETHER!" he grabbed a saber from Sleezious' collection. He ignited it. "Ooohh! fluorescent green!" he admired until he nearly got his arm shot off. "Fighting is for droids!" he hooted.

Anaking was continuing his savage attacks on the droids. He ended killing or hitting everything BUT the droids. He nearly killed Ovaltine and Mopy Khan. "Anaking, hold your fire . . . hold your fire. You're not helping here!"

Anaking stopped momentarily and then resumed his slashing.

"Hold on, Anaking! You're going to get us both killed! Get out of here. There's nothing more you can do!"

"I can fight!" sang Ani placing his hand over his heart, "I can fight and siiiiinnnng! I sing to those I HOOOLLLD DEEAAR! And also when I HAAAVEE FEAAAR! OOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOyeaaaaahaaaaoooooo!" he screeched. He knelt down on one knee, gazed into space and dropped his head dramatically.

"Cough, cough, hack hack," panted Sleezious as he attempted to kill the padawan who had his eyes shut.

"Yikes!" squeaked Anaking clinging to the general's ankle and biting. He forgot that metal is somewhat hard to bite into.

Mopy pushed Sleezious using the Source. Anaking let go and writhed in pain on the floor. Mopy chuckled evilly. "I think we've all arrived at a very special place. Spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically."

"Whaaaaaat?" moaned Anaking pitifully as Mopy resumed his chortling. The two seemed to have forgotten about Chancellor Ovaltine. He was, at the moment, pouring a bit of the scum rum into his frappuccino.

"What do YOU think you're DOING?" hollered Mopy storming over to the chancellor.

"Having myself an experiment," replied Ovaltine testily.

Mopy shot him a withering glare and sat down waiting for Anaking to regain his composure. The threesome had forgotten Sleezious completely, and he crept up behind Mopy ready to strike a deathblow...when... "Hack HACK!" he spluttered, the element of surprise gone.

Mopy jumped, did a clumsy flip, and landed behind the droid. He took a swing, but missed coming within centimeters of the chancellor's head. The overgrown droid skittered away, and broke the glass window. They all almost were sucked into space, but Mopy grabbed Ani by the hair and held onto an office chair with all his strength. Unfortunately, rolling office chairs can be sucked into space as well, so Mopy hastily grabbed onto a nearby console. Ovaltine held on for dear life to an overhead light fixture.


	4. Is It?

hey peeps! Hows it goin? anyhoo, here's the next chappie, it's not the longest one, in fact it's very short, but, I had to hurry.

Anakinluver/ Gamgeesgirl/ Jedigurl: waves excitedly here I am! Hi! like the story?

sorry everyone, just talking to someone I know. but anyhoo, yeah. Enjoy!

-Monty Python/ King of the Dead-

Chapter 4: Is it?

The emergency doors swiftly slammed shut just as Ovaltine was about to let go. Anaking wrestled his hair out of Mopy's grasp and shot him a look of contempt. He cracked his jaw, twisted his neck which let out a loud pop, and began to drive the large ship. He pressed some buttons and cranked an oversized dial. "JUST SET IT AND FORGET IT!" he snickered, clapping his hands gleefully.

Mopy sat down in a plush office chair and spun it around. "Hey, this is pretty spiffy!" he exclaimed spinning faster.

"Is it?" said Anaking mildly.

"So young Smoopywhopper," (sorry peeps, I spelled it wrong in the second chapter) "How do you know how to fly a starship as great as this?" asked Ovaltine wobbling to a seat.

"I took advanced ship-flying courses at Pale College," said Anaking airily, hitting a few random buttons for no apparent reason.

Mopy was not impressed. Pale College did not come CLOSE to the academic level of the college to which HE had gone. Smartvard College ranked the highest in Mopy's view.

"Oh yes," continued Anaking, his ego rising by one hundred and twenty-seven percent, "And I was in the top one hundred of my class," he said proudly.

"That's because there were ONLY one hundred in his class, and he was number ninety-nine!" sniggered Mopy Khan.

Anaking would not let Mopy ruin his moment to shine. "And then," he resumed, "I won the golden carrot for tactical maneuvers," he boasted, proudly throwing his chest out.

"HEE HEE!" Mopy let out a guffaw, "The GOLDEN CARROT! HAHAHAHAHA! Don't you realize that they were making FUN of you?" he almost felt sorry for Anaking, for he was so incredibly stupid.

What all of them had failed to notice was that the ship had broken in half, and they were coming in for a crash landing on Floorescant.

Anaking was busily tackling Mopy Khan, and Ovaltine was on the phone ordering a triple fudge macchiato.

"STARMEGABUCKS IS THE BEEEEEST!" cried Ovaltine dancing wildly and clapping his heels together. He forgot about his arthritis and felt a sudden popping sensation in his kneecaps.

Arfoo beeped loudly and zapped Mopy on the rear. "OW!" shrieked Mopy, pushing Ani off.

They all looked out the window and saw they were speeding towards Floorescant at a bazillion miles an hour. "AAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH!" Mopy and Ovaltine screamed, clutching to eachother. "Eeew, gross-out, mon," said Ani looking at the two with disgust. "YAY!" he giggled staring at the fast-approaching ground, "I need, SPEEEED! Faster and FASTER!" he sang, high-pitched and very screechy.

The large ship hurtled to the ground and landed one someone's front lawn in the outskirts of the city of Floorescant.

Anaking skipped cheerily out and hopped over to a passing ice cream truck. "Gimme a triple double scoop of pink cherry delight, and another triple double scoop of Plastyyyk swirl," he ordered, slamming his fist on the counter, and gazing annoyingly about. "Oh, and put hot sauce and almond chocolate chunks with light pastel rainbow sprinkles, not solid colors, mind, PASTEL! On top of both," he remembered jabbing a skinny finger at the fat, bewildered ice cream man.

Mopy grabbed Ani's arm and attempted to pull his padawan away, which he did, but Ani lingered until he obtained his two ice creams.

Mopy looked at the enormous ice creams Anaking was furiously licking, "Aw, geez Ani," he sighed as the ice cream dribbled down Ani's arm, "That is enough ice cream to last a YEAR!" he cried, waving his arms dramatically.

"Is it?" said Anaking mildly.


	5. I don't know what to call this chapter

Thanks for everyone's reviews!

To: The Insane Justin: I love the idea of them fighting with mops! I think I will use that! Thanks!

To: Jedigurl: Thank for the review, it was great to see you again, BTW. I was soooo excited to know that you came on this site!

To: Passon: Thanks for your great comments! I'm glad you like General Sleezious, he's one of my personal favs.

To: Marauder4ever: I am thrilled that you like my story! I'm excited that ANYONE at all is reviewing! LOL! I never expected this amount of a fan base!

To: Serena Kenobi: Glad u like it! I like your stories as well!

R&R please! This chappie is not as funny (in my opinion) as the other ones. I was having some writers block. I may come back later and change it if I get any better ideas. Enjoy!

Chapter 5: General Sleezious

The four (including arfoo) made their way back to the city after receiving various death threats form the owners of the lawn they demolished. It took Anaking three hours to eat both ice creams, and by the time he had finished the first, the second was half melted.

Ovaltine complained that he needed his favorite drink, and would scream like a two year old whenever they passed a Starmegabucks. (Which was rather often)

"Moooopppy," griped Anaking, who was dragging his feet intolerably, "I wanna pizzaaaaaa!" he wailed, tears rising to his eyes, and thrusting out his lower lip.

"AAAUUUUUGGGHH!" screamed Mopy, who had had enough of his padawan and his persistent bellyaching. He hastily jumped into a speeder, swung Anaking into it along with Ovaltine, and zoomed off.

A devious, impish smile crept up on Anaking's face. "Mopy stole a speeder! Hahahahahahahaha!" he cackled, rubbing his hands together.

"Well, I wouldn't have HAD to if you and your precious chancellor had not made so much NOISE!" Mopy hooted.

"He's not my precious chancellor," Anaking said rebelliously.

Mopy rolled his eyes.

Later, they arrived at the Jedi Temple and they all hopped out. Anaking ran away before Mopy could catch him, and went home to see Padme Palmidala, his wife.

He went up the elevator to his plush apartment. Padme Palmidala was a senator for the, well, for the senate. She had a tendency to get very emotional over minor details that really would have absolutely no impact on her life, or on anyone else's. As soon as poor Anaking opened the door, she lunged at him squeezing him so hard that he almost passed out. "HOOOONNNEY!" she cooed, 'Sweetie Shnoogumcakes! Oh I've MIISSSED YOOOUU!" she spilled overlarge, unnecessary tears on Ani's nicely pressed cloak. There was really no reason to have missed him. He had barely been gone six hours, and besides, no one would really want to be around him anyway, except for Padme of course.

"Hack, HACK," spluttered Anaking, the breath being ruthlessly shoved out of him, "Pa...d...me...ge...t...o...ff...m...e...ahhhh...dy...ing..." he choked.

"Ooooohhhhh! SORRY Sweetie shlumpkins!" she got up of him.

Anaking brushed imaginary dirt off his immaculately clean robes, and stormed to the kitchen.

"Can I fix you something?' she asked politely, brushing her hair with a brush that had no bristles on it. Anaking looked at her strangely. She smiled sweetly back and continued brushing. "So," she said conversationally, "do you want to come to the senate with me today?" she asked.

"Auuggh! No!" cried Anaking jumping up, "I'm not brave enough for politics!" he screamed.

"Okay," said Padmé. She burst into tears.

"What," said Anaking worriedly.

"I bought the wrong kind of tissues, wahhaaaahahaha!" she sobbed.

Anaking high-tailed it out of there.

He meandered to the Jedi temple.

Meanwhile, General Sleezious landed on the planet Utapounce, coughing, and hacking as usual. "What's the situation, captain?" he gagged when seeing a droid captain.

The droid replied, "Lord Smith on line two sir," and then he waddled away. Sleezious ran to the nearest conference room where a hologram of Chancellor Ovaltine in a black cloak appeared. "General Sleezious," he spake, "I want you to send the separatist leaders to the Mustafart system"

Sleezious panted and wheezed.

"I'll take that as: It will be done my Lord," said Ovaltine dryly.

Meanwhile, back on Floorescant, Anaking found nothing of interest at the Jedi temple so he returned home. He found a note on the kitchen table which wrote:

'Ani, were having a baby so I have left you a book of baby names to choose from. Kisses and hugs,

-Padmé-

Anaking picked up the enormous book of baby names. He looked under the girls first. He saw these listed: Andrea, Andie, Alphonsie, Almofia, Alakazoo, Anwar, Angria, Amoophier...he thumped the book down on the table. What atrocious names! Alphonsie and Andrea were not so bad, but the others!

"Sick book," Anaking muttered storming off to the bedroom. He quietly slipped into his bunny rabbit PJs and hopped into bed without brushing his teeth. During the night, he had a dream about Padmé dying because they could not decide on a name. "GAH!" he cried, sitting up and wringing his hands, "What a travesty!" He felt in the mood for a milkshake so he slipped his bunny slippers on and shuffled to the kitchen.

He ground up some ice, added fourteen scoops of ice cream, and attempted to pour milk in, but there was no room. He stirred it up (or tried to) and took out a bendy straw. Bendy straws were most sensible straws in his opinion. He tried to suck up the ice cream, but it was too hard so he used a spoon.

Padmé came out looking very bleary-eyed. "Wuz gooingg oonn," she slurred, very seemingly drunk.

"Having a milkshake," said Ani crossly.

"Can IIIII haave ones?" she shlumped into a seat.

"NO!" cried Anaking who had been trying to have a quiet moment. He realized it might not be so entirely bad if she happened to die.

"Oh." sighed Padme.

"Are you drunk?" he asked, truly curious.

"Yesh," she answered.

"Why?"

"Werer having twiinnsss," she said woozily, whipping out a bottle of whiskey and slugging it down.

"Are we?" asked Anaking mildly.

"Yesh."

He passed out.


	6. Monopoly

Hey people! Thanks for all the reviews!

To: The Insane Justin: I LOOOOOVE the idea of CONE troopers! If you read carefully, I put one in, but will have more as the story progresses. Thanks a MILLION!

To: Mizra: Thanks for your comments! I really appreciate them!

To:Phantom'sJediBandieGirl: I am sooooo happy that u like it! lol! I'll keep writin' if 'yall keep readin'!

Thanks, and enjoy! Remember to R&R!

Chapter 6: Monopoly

The next day, Anaking went to see Foda about the dreams he had. When he walked in, Foda hastily hid a drink behind his back. "What were you drinking?" Anaking asked suspiciously. "Um...heh heh heh...um..., a double venti mocha frappuccino?" he volunteered, not knowing what reaction the young Jedi would have.

"Oh," said Ani, sitting down into a comfortable yoga position. "I have a dream!" be began speaking. Foda interrupted. "Anaking, be careful of your friend Ovaltine," he said.

"URRRGGGHHH! For the last TIME! Ovaltine is not my friend!" squeaked Anaking going blue.

"Ohkaaay..." Foda looked at him strangely. "Anyhoot, what have you to me come for?" said Foda, very badly needing inverted speech lessons. (Actually, it's probably ME who needs those...but I'm blaming him to cover for my lack of being able to do a good Yoda impression. Muahahaha!)

"I want more!" cried Anaking, "and I know I shouldn't!" he bawled.

"A grip you should get," reproached Foda. "Expect too much of yourself you do."

"That's not exactly what I meant..." began Anaking.

"But probably true it is," said Foda.

Anaking shrugged and swaggered out of the dark room. He punched one of the cone troopers on the way out.

He hurried to the Briefing room where Mopy Khan was waiting impatiently for him. "What took you so long Anaking?" he asked very annoyed.

"Oh, thaaaat..." drawled Anaking very impudently pointing his index fingers at Mopy. "I was just eating some um...chocolate...yeah!" he croaked.

Mopy was annoyed. I am going to send you to a psychiatrist, Anaking, if you don't knock it off!" he warned.

"You will try," glared Ani giving him his all-famous Smith glare.

Later that afternoon after Anaking had inhaled a ham, cheese, and baloney sub with a side of creamy ceaser dressing with lightly stuffed olives, he ambled to the chancellor's room.

"So, Anaking," Ovaltine sniggered, "Do you want to join the Smith?"

"What?" said Anaking who had been paying no attention, and had been looking at the strange artwork on the walls.

"Um...heh heh, I mean, I need you to be the eyes, and the ears for me. You need to save me a spot in every open line in Starmegabucks," said Ovaltine.

"What? How can you do this? It's outrageous, it's unfair!" cried Anaking stomping his foot.

"I want you to be on the Jedi council," said Ovaltine sounding rather desperate, "You are the best Jedi around! It is..._meant to be_. The prophecy SAYS SO!" he rattled hastily.

"A prophecy that misread could have been," said Anaking sounding very much like Foda.

"Yes but use your feelings Anaking, you know, don't you?" nodded Ovaltine looking very ghastly.

"I know they like you. You spend do much moola at that coffee shop, it could buy a brand new Speed bike!" cried Anaking. "Why are you asking this of me?"

"The senate is asking you," finished Ovaltine.

Anaking had been crossing his legs and trying desperately, buy failing miserably not to think about water, all throughout this conversation. He finally screamed, "I can't hold it any longer!" and darted to the nearest restroom.

Ovaltine was thinking decidedly of NOT turning him to the Light Side. He was so strange.

Later, at the council, all the Jedi were continuing to sit around as they always did. What did they do all day? Why play monopoly of course. Monopoly was the official game of the Jedi council for it took so long to play and they had boundless amounts of time. "What is Time good for in any event?" Mopy had recently pondered over a coffee coolata one hot summer day. "You can't save it, you can't use it to wash the dishes, you can't even use it to snuggle with if you lost your favorite stuffed unicorn! So what is all this rot about time for? Why do we always have to be on time? Why can't we just come and go whenever we feel like it? It would decidedly be easier that way. Then we would not have to buy expensive digital watches," he pondered thoughtfully.

Yes sir, the council had a mighty fine time during those days. You were considered very lucky if you got chosen to be on the council. Anaking was not one for monopoly however, for he always lost. He thought that the money was real and would throw a huge hissy fit if he had to spend some, or pay someone. He would say, "I am saving it!" When asked what for, he would reply, "None of your beeswax!" and then huffily collect his money and storm away. Anyone who wanted to play with him had to buy a new game after every round, for he would always steal the money. So no one wanted to play with him, least of all the Jedi council.


	7. Hearth Rageous the Demise

Okay, I rewrote it, I hope you peeps enjoy! R&R as usual!

Chapter7: Double Mushroom Anchovy Pepperoni Ricotta Pizza

Anaking stood in the center of the council with the intense lights blaring into his eyes. Foda had gone to Plastyyyk to oversee the battles there, so he appeared as a hologram. All the Jedi were rubbing their chins and muttering to eachother. Mopy was sullen. He least of all wanted Anaking to join the council. He did not like being bitten by Ani, or anyone for that matter.

He spoke up. "I do not think Anaking is ready for this," he said, glaring at Ani who was eyeing Mopy's ankles hungrily. "I expect someone with his reputation to be a little, _older_," he said condescendingly.

Anaking lunged at him with vehemence and promptly bit his ankles. "Yikes!" yelped Mopy kicking Ani full in the face. Anaking stumbled about and fell onto Mace Pepperspray who then whipped out his Mace and sprayed Anaking in the eyes. Unfortunately, he was holding it backwards so he sprayed _himself_ in the face. "Auuuggghhh!" cried the bald Jedi prancing around rubbing his eyes for all he was worth (which, if added, would amount to around thirty-seven cents.)

He was blinded and tripped and fell headlong into the buffet table which was covered with all sorts of sushi.

Anaking was chasing Mopy around with the pepperspray giggling like a maniac. He caught up a handful of Boston cream pie and threw it into Mopy's face. "Auuuugg...mrrmmmff...gag...choke...pass out..." went Mopy who inhaled the creamy delight. Anaking , pleased with his devilry, suddenly had a craving for pickled herring. He thought fondly of the box he had bought back home.

He skipped merrily out of the destroyed council room. Foda had been looking on in horror. He could not be harmed by Anaking's antics for he was a hologram.

Later, Mopy who had showered and successfully eaten the cream pie wandered down the halls of the Jedi temple in search of something to do. Anaking bounded up next to him, full of unneeded and unwanted energy. "Hey, Wassup, Me Masta!" he drawled slugging down a caffeine loaded iced tea.

Mopy was wary. He did not know what Anaking was up to.

Anaking laid a scrawny hand on Mopy's shoulder. "Let's let bygones be bygones," he said smoothly.

Mopy looked at him, then down at Anaking's hand, and then back at Anaking. "What do you mean?" he asked, rather suspiciously.

"I mean that we should not judge eachother on our past actions," said Anaking sounding quite old and stuffy, "and that we should forget what misdeeds the other has done."

"Okay," said Mopy eyeing Anaking, "But next time you will not get off so easily," he warned, still mightily suspicious.

"Oh, tiddly dum and piddly day," crooned Anaking, pinching Mopy's face good-naturedly, and skipping away, quite pleased with himself.

Mopy shook his head. "Young people."

Later, Ovaltine was at The Nutcracker Ballet. He simply adored the Nutcracker. Anaking barged his way in with a false FBI pass. "Heh heh heh!" he snickered as he waved a plastic pistol in the air and everyone screamed and ducked. He ran into the balcony where Ovaltine was having a quiet moment with is demon-like cronies.

"Heeeey...Mr. Ovaltine," chanted Anaking who was rather flummoxed to see the chancellor there.

"Hello Anaking. Take a seat, young Smoopywhopper. Leave us," he waved his two attendants away. Anaking sat down. The chair was so pouffy, that he sank down 'till he was nearly submerged. He wrestled himself out and attempted to sit naturally. "Heh heh!' he chuckled nervously.

Ovaltine grinned, slurping on another frappuccino "Yes. Anaking, come closer, I have good news!" Anaking leaned in; sure that Ovaltine was letting him in on a major secret. "I just saved a bunch of money on speeder insurance by switching to Geico!" Ovaltine cackled, finding himself very amusing.

Anaking rolled his eyes. That phrase was SO overused. "So...what did you REALLY want to tell me?" asked Ani, who knew that there really WAS something Ovaltine wanted to tell him.

"Have you ever heard of Hearth Rageous demise?" asked Ovaltine who was completely serious.

"What is a _demise_?" asked Anaking stupidly.

"Umm...heh heh! It means uh..." stammered Ovaltine desperately thinking of someway to turn this in his favor. Demise, of course, means failure, devastation, and absolute ruin. But of course, the wise Ovaltine could not say this to Anaking. "Um it means not so good," he attempted. '

"Oh. Pray continue," said Anaking using his best grammar and floding his hands neatly in his lap.

"Hearth Rageous demise was a Light Lord of the Smith who had so little power that the only thing he was afraid of was, gaining power; Which eventually of course he did not." spake Ovaltine, making no sense at all. "He was so not powerful, that he could not even kill the ones he cared about."

"So, wait. Let me see if I understand," said Anaking holding his hand up, "Demise practically means Failure, and Rageous was a failure, and he couldn't kill people, but what does that have to do anything?"

The chancellor continued to speak as if Ani had not even said anything. "It's ironic. His name was Demise, and that's what happened to him," snickered Ovaltine.

Anaking was freaked. "Oh kaaayy...it's been nice knowin' ya," he said slowly rising.

"Use my knowledge, I beg you!" pleaded Ovaltine clutching Ani's linen shirt. "Hey," he brightened, "Why don't we go back to my office and we'll watch the latest episode of Galactic Kung-Foo Bunnies!" suggested Ovaltine.

"I dunno..." pondered Anaking, unsure.

"I'll throw in a free pizza!" said the chancellor persuasively.

"Deal!" cried Anaking shaking Ovaltine's hand vigorously.

Later that afternoon, Anaking and the chancellor were settling down in front of the one hundred and thirty inch widescreen and Ovaltine flipped the 'ol tube on. He began flipping through channels extremely fast. "POWER! UNLIMITED POOOWWER!" he hooted.

Anaking did not notice the insane chancellor, for he was too busy stuffing his face with double mushroom anchovy pepperoni ricotta pizza with a side of garlic jalapeño breadsticks with extra extra spicy marinara dipping sauce.


	8. Utapounce

Hey, sorry peeps that it took me so long to post! Well, I hope you guys enjoy this chappie! Read and Review as usual!

Chapter 8:

The Gangsta District was the place where all the hoodless' lived. (They were fondly named Hoodless' because they never wore hoods, as do your usual: Hoodlums.)

But they will come later into this story.

Foda was still on Plastyyyk bossing the cone troopers around with his squeaky annoying voice. None of the cones could really respect a two-foot high little green thing with enormous ears. But they pretended to.

In the latest council, everyone had decided to send Mopy to Utapounce, which he did not want to do in the slightest. They had somehow found out that Sleezious was there. Everyone expected Ani to be upset, but he wasn't. He had fine plans for the time spent away from Mopy. "Kee kee kee!" he cackled maniacally. He rubbed his hands together.

Mopy did not know that Anaking was not unhappy, so he decided to play his thing for all it was worth. As he was climbing into his ship, he wagged his tongue and stuck his fingers in his mouth taunting, "I get to go on a MISSION! HA HA HA HA HA!" He said in a singsong voice.

"Yes, go, go! I would not wish you back again," quoted Ani from Pride and Prejudice. He smirked and trotted away from a rather disillusioned Mopy Khan.

Anaking made his way back to his house and feasted on salami and mayonnaise sandwiches with strawberry Frigid-Slurp. He waited around for Padmé to come home from wherever she was. After his tasty luncheon, he flipped on his old-fashioned juke-box and practiced the fox trot.

Padmé, who had been there the entire time, came out of her bedroom wearing a horrendous outfit. "So whaddya think?" she asked, spinning around quickly.

"Um...what are you doing here?" Anaking asked, rather bewildered. "I've been waiting for you to get home!" he cried exasperated.

"Oh, I've been here," she said mildly, "trying on different outfits. I have nothing better to do with my ENDLESS amounts of time," she said happily.

"Well, now that you're here, I figure I should tell you my news," he said slipping and falling on the new linoleum floor. "Ahhh! Ok. Anyways, I think I know what we should name our baby," he said proudly.

"WHAT?" she shrieked.

"Muffi-Jo," Anaking said.

"We're having twins," she said smugly.

"Oh. Well, how 'bout...Peter and Mosquiter?" he asked, completely serious.

Padmé clutched her heart and feigned a fainting spell.

Anaking, figuring that she LOVED the horrible names, bounced out of the apartment and went to go see if the football game was on over at Ovaltine's house. (He never missed Monday night football.)

Meanwhile, Mopy Khan was speeding toward Utapounce and was quaking in his boots. "What if I dieeeee?" he wailed to no one in particular. Something told him that if he did happen to die, no on would miss him much. "Oh WOE IS ME-A I cannot seem-a too-ooo fiiiind a parking spoooot!" he sang trying to sound Italian. He began an opera. "OHHHH SOLA MIO! STA VRANDA TE! OH SOLA MIO STA VRANDA TEEEE!" he did not feel any better. He continued driving towards his destiny. He landed on a docking bay on the planet Utapounce. He leaped out and crouched next to his ship nervously looking over each shoulder, before crawling stealthily closer to some revolving doors. He had never gotten the hang of revolving doors.

He always ended up getting his robe caught while attempting to spin it really fast. He did not think of this as he pushed the door harder than he realized and caught his robe. He had to keep running in circles in order to keep from being ground to pieces. He could have simply taken his robe off but he never thought of this.

The other masters never told him to take his robe off because they liked seeing him act like an imbecile. (It was a nice variance from Monopoly.)

Around half an hour later after Mopy was becoming tired of his aerobic workout, the doorman stopped the doors and set Mopy loose. "I have come to see about the General Sleezious!" he said loudly.

"Shhh!" hissed the frightened doorman.

"Whaaaat?" griped Mopy who was rather annoyed. "We're not in a library ya know!" he said even louder.

"JUST be quiet!" shrieked the doorman in a loud whisper.

Mopy bonked himself in the head and swaggered after the doorman who was looking stranger every minute. They passed gaping doors and wide halls and even passed one room with a sign over it that read "Candy Room". He had to be dragged away from there. He finally came before Teddle Meddle.

"What brings you to our remote Zen Sanctuary?" he asked, sitting in the Lotus position.

"Definitely NOT inner peace!" cried Mopy. He had always been a little afraid of yoga people.

"You must learn to control your feelings. Reach down into your inner soul. You need to join us in our quest for world peace. Once you recognize your authentic Self, the whole yoga practice will come to you. At that moment, we no longer need the system and can "throw it away." We can sail on, in other words, without our boat," Teddle Meddle serenely.

"Listen, chump," said Mopy severely, "I just wanna know where da Sleez is. And if you don't want to tell me, I'll get it out in a 'different' manner," he hooted, waving his arms dramatically.

"We must cling to the divine summit and forget all toil, so that when the waves of human passion, both yours and those of the people around you, begin to wash over you, you will not be carried away into the terra firma of inner turmoil," Meddle chanted tranquilly.

'WHERE IS SLEEZIOUS?" Mopy screamed.

R&R pleeeeeeeeze!


	9. Powdered Sugar and MORE!

Hey everyone! Tomorrow's Monday so I might not be able to post. But ya never know!

Thanks 4 all your reviews! They mean a ton to me! On to Chappie # 9! Dum Dum Dum Dum! Muahahahaha!

Chapter 9: Powdered Sugar and MORE!

'WHERE IS SLEEZIOUS?" Mopy screamed.

"All right. I shall tell you. He is here. We are NOT being held hostage," he said nervously.

"Oh IIIIIIIII get it," winked Mopy.

"What?" asked Meddle.

"You're NOT being held hostage," he winked again.

"We're not!" agreed Meddle, rather confused.

"I getcha, me boy," Mopy said knowingly, "I'll release you from them."

"But...we're not hostages and..."

Mopy held his hand up. "No, I shall take no thanks. A Jedi must do what a Jedi must do. Isaygoodday." With that, he whisked his long robe around himself and shot off down the hall like a torpedo.

"What a strange person!" remarked Teddle Meddle.

Mopy Khan attempted to get into the candy room again, but was carried away by seven guards. He stopped off at a convenience store and bought himself a baseball hat with the name, 'Utapounce' on it as a souvenir. He stuck in on his head sideways and stated mockingly, "I Fidy Cent." It was supposed to be Fifty Cent (which is really all that rapper is worth anyhoo) but he decided to articulate the accent that Fifty Cent normally used. He flourished it off with the infamous Rapper hand movements. "Heck!" he thought to himself, "I'm pretty cool, yo!" and he lumbered away looking for means of transportation.

He snatched a passing dragon-like creature named Bogus. She was extremely fast. He rode around seeing the sites siting the sees...oops there I go again...anyways, he rode and rode searching nonchalantly for the droid General.

Speaking of the General, he was, at the moment, smoking yet another cigar and hacking and wheezing continuously. He was speaking to the separatist leaders about sending them to the Mustafart system.

"I am sending you to the Mustafart system in the inner rrrim. HOOOACK," he said rolling his r's and then gagging. "You will be SAFE there. Muahahaha."

"SAFE?" cried Cute Dumbray leaping to his feet and accidentally knocking over Sleezious's pack of Nicarette. "SAAAFFEEE?" he cried, "what do you mean by SAFE? Last time you said we would be SAFE was when we were traveling across the desert of Catooine and we stumbled on a torpedo launching target!"

"Well!" said Sleezious unhappily, "I got you out of there, right?"

"You suggested we SLEEP there! ON the stinkin' target itself!" he shrieked. "DON'T you talk to me about SAFE!"

Sleezious puffed angrily.

Mopy was watching all this from the rafters and thought of a brilliant plan to capture the general while smelling nice, without being killed. He sneaked off to buy some glue and some powdered sugar.

When he returned, Sleezious and Cute Dumbray were still at each other's throats. He climbed nimbly over the rafters until he was directly above Sleezious. He poured the vat of Insti-Dri glue onto the unsuspecting droid. When Sleezious was covered, Mopy poured the large bag of powdered sugar on top of the glue.

"AHHHHHH!" coughed the general running in circles. He immediately began slowing down as the glue dried and made his joints stuck.

A pleasant aroma drifted up to the nostrils of Mopy Khan. "AHHHMMM!" he sniffed, wriggling his nose, "Sweet!" he said happily.

He jumped down pointed and giggled annoyingly at the enraged droid. "Hey therah, sugah!" he said with a ghastly southern accent.

"GrrrrrAHHHHHRRRR!" Sleezious roared, charging Mopy who fled immediately.

"GUARDS!" hollered Sleezious, "GET THIS CONFOUNDED GOOP OFF ME!" he cried, suddenly unable to move.

Mopy, realizing that the droid was immobile, hopped around gloating. He even had the gall to eat a stick of Sleezious's Nicarette chewing gum. He immediately spit it out for it tasted horrendous.

While he was busily prancing about and taunting everyone, Sleezious had torn off the cap to a nearby fire hydrant and the geyser of water that shot out cleaned off the glue.

Mopy figured that he was going to get a medal and knew that he could now be considered a genius. He danced around with his eyes shut clapping and giggling joyfully. "LALALALALALALA! Hee hee hee hee hee! Whups!" he fell over the edge.

He clung to the rim for all he was worth (which by now, only amounted to thirteen and five-sixteenths cents.)

Sleezious was pleased with himself. He had destroyed the impudent Jedi without even hitting him, or getting any of his 'precious cuddly wudly hands' as he liked to call them cut off.

"Come OOON mon!" shrieked Mopy as his grip was releasing.

"Heh heh heh hack HACKOOOAH!" rasped da Sleez grinning down at Mopy Khan.

"Aw, quit the Fako act, chump," critiqued Mopy angrily. "I know that deep, DEEP down you're a real softie," he said winking at the droid in a stupid, ugly, annoying fashion.

'I am no softie!" cried the general wiping his nose on his pink stuffed rabbit.

"Then what's that?" asked Mopy, pointing at the plush animal.

"Um...um...heh heh! It's my um...uh..." he then decided that having a pink stuffed animal was nothing to be embarrassed about. Besides, Mopy would soon be dead anyways, so he could not make fun of him. "It's my wabbit," Sleezious stated.


	10. Wabbit

Hey, thanks for your reviews peeps!

Beefeater: HAHAHAHA! I LOVE those names! Perhaps I shall continue this series after all! Is it ok if I do use those? You wont like, consider it plagiarism will you? I absolutely LOVE; A New Dope, The Empire on Crack and The Burn of a Dead Guy! Hee hee!

Phantom'sJediBandieGirl: Thanks for your review! I love hearing from ya. I just might name the twins Peter and Mosquiter. I thought that was really funny! Yah, I dunno where I came up with Plastyyyk, but I have a freako imagination. It was a lot weirder like last year though. I kind of reigned it in a bit.

Chapter 10: Wabbit

Mopy chortled. "Your...WABBIT? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" he giggled loudly and annoyingly.

"DIE DIE DIE!" screamed the droid through his rage, rushing at Mopy.

"HAHAHA...whups!" Mopy scrambled to get out of the way.

Sleezious stopped, lit up another cigarette took a deep whiff, and resumed charging poor Mopy who was hanging for dear life to the edge of the platform.

He had forgotten that he could use his Jedi powers to lift himself. "AUUUUGHH! HEEELLLP!" he cried as da Sleez ran at him with a Smasher in hand.

However Mopy did have some brains, if not many, and drew his frightsaber. He forgot that he was hanging from a precipice thousands of feet up and he was now hanging by one hand. When Sleezious was so close that Mopy could touch him, he grabbed one of the droid's ankles and yanked himself up. He flew wildly over Sleezious's head and landed on his soft backside. "YIPERS!' he yelped standing up and swinging aimlessly at anything he happened to see.

Sleezious ran at him again, this time lighting four frightsabers instead of cigarettes. He twirled them expertly and walked towards Mopy who was rather flummoxed. He suddenly stopped and looked at his Wabbit.

"So, wabbit, should I kill him? What's that? I should? Huh?" he held the pink fluffy thing to his ear. "Okay, I'll kill him." He continued walking at Mopy with the frightsabers.

Mopy looked on in fascination and disgust. Then when Sleezious continued coming at him, he ran for it. He leaped onto Bogus and rode away, just as a bunch of cone troopers came down on big waterslides they had been setting up.

Mopy never understood why they used waterslides instead of ropes, but hey, he wasn't the Chancellor.

Sleezious jumped into his TR6 red convertible hot rod and zoomed after Mopy singing, "Zoom zoom zoom!" the entire time.

The hot rod went much faster than Bogus, and he caught up with Mopy very soon. Mopy was in awe of the awesome car, so he jumped off of his dragon and onto the speeding car along with Sleezious. The two began fighting and the car crashed into a rock wall. Sleezious panicked, forgot about Mopy, leaped out, and began to inspect the damage done. "YOU!" he screamed as he saw that it was totaled.

Mopy jumped out, sure that it couldn't be THAT bad. "I can't be TOO bad," he said inspecting it. It burst into flames. "Well, maybe...AHHHHHH!" he hooted as the livid Sleezious tackled him. He squirmed out of his grasp and ran away. Sleezious chased him. They came to a cliff. Mopy stopped short as he approached the edge. He had had enough with hang from a cliff for that day.

Sleezious, unaware of the steep drop ahead, continued to rush at Mopy at full speed. When he was almost at Mopy, Mopy sidestepped him and Sleezious fell off the cliff and smashed to pieces.

"GAH!" Mopy gasped, clutching his shirt and shielding his eyes. "I cannot look! OH! How perfectly GHASTLY!" There was really nothing ghastly about it, but he liked to be dramatic.

Meanwhile, back on Floorescant, Anaking was having a chat with Ovaltine, who was as usual, drinking his favorite frappuccino.

"So, then he goes, 'And the ball rolled DOWN the street' and then I went, 'No, it went UP!' And then she goes, 'My hair is mussy!" And then I'm like, 'So fix it,' and then she goes, 'I cant because I don't have anymore hair spray because you stole it.' And then I said, 'So buy some more,' and then she was like, 'You stole my money too!' And then he said..." Anaking prattled ceaselessly, to the sound asleep chancellor who had fallen asleep with the straw in his mouth.

Anaking finally got up and browsed around looking at Ovaltine's collection of books. Most did not catch his interest. They we all similar such as: Top Ten Ways to Tell if You're a Smith, or: How to Become a Successful Smith in 80 Days! And even: The Light Side of the Source, The Ultimate Smith Apprentice Guide, or: Becoming a Smith for Dummies.

Anaking did not think it strange for some reason, though, and since there was nothing else to do, he grabbed the thickest book, titled, "How to: Become a Faithful Smith Apprentice, or Die Trying, by Hearth Gaul. He began the book at the back and read on towards the front. Anaking always read backwards.

It was a horrendously written piece, however, and Anaking chucked it across the room with disgust. He noticed a poster of Ovaltine in a darkly hooded robe making a 'two thumbs up' and winking, with a cheesy grin on his face. There was also writing on the poster as well: Hearth Smith of the Smith is Coming to YOUR Town! Get Ready for the Evil Smith Lord on February 26, 17,053!

Anaking's brain clicked on. "WOW! A REAL SMITH LORD COMING HEEERREE! I WANNA SEE HIM!" he screamed waking a bleary Ovaltine from a sound sleep. "GUESS WHAT!" cried Ani, vigorously shaking the chancellor.

"What?" asked the Lord of the Smith.

"A LIGHT LORD IS COMEING HEEERRE!" Anaking hooted.

"Well, golly, we must see who that could be," mumbled Ovaltine rubbing his chin. "Let's see, that guy has a big nose, LIKE ME! And he has a pruney face, LIKE ME! And he is a Smith, LIKE ME! I wonder who he is?" Ovaltine mocked.

"Um..."thought Anaking, "I KNOW! Your evil twin?"


	11. Dangerous Holiday Embellishments

Chapter 11: Holiday Embellishments

"I'll buy it!" shrieked Lee-Ugly-Pundi moving his hand for his fake money. "How much?"

"Um, three hundred twenty seven dollars and forty-nine cents," replied Mace looking at the board through his thick coke-bottle spectacles.

Lee-Ugly-Pundi chucked the dough at him and waved his hand, annoyingly, for someone to give him his card. "Idiot," he muttered glaring at Mace who was counting the money with a large, evil, greedy grin on his face.

"Oh!" cried Mace eyeing Pundi with a hurt look on his face. "I'll never get over that witty insult! My self esteem has been CRUSHED!" he giggled, making Pundi madder than ever.

A thought popped into Pundi's head. When Foda wasn't looking, he stole his money. "HEY!" Foda squeaked, "THAT WAS MYYYY MONEY!"

"Whaddya gonna do about it? Huh?" teased Pundi waving the cash in front of the hologram.

Anaking and the chancellor were still in his office, and Anaking was STILL being daft.

"Don't you GET IT?" cried Ovaltine waving his flabby arms and looking very foolish. "I am the Smith Lord!"

Anaking's mouth formed an O, and he crossed his arms in front of himself. "Well, why don't you prove it?" he asked, very suspicious.

"Fine. What do you want me to do?"

"Kill the first person to walk out that door," he waved at the only door in the room.

"Wait. You mean, OUT the door, or IN the door?" he asked.

"OUT the door. Like, as in, the first person who LEAVES this room," spake Anaking, having a brilliant thought for once in his life. He only really thought of it because he had seen something of the sort on the famous TV program, HeadCold Case.

"Okay. Deal!" said Ovaltine shaking Anaking's hand vigorously.

"AHH!" he cried, pretending to be hurt, "I need a doctor! Ow ow ow!" he cried, very fakishly, but Ovaltine seemed to believe it. He was very gullible.

"Oh! I'll get a doctor!" Ovaltine cried, rushing out the door.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" snickered Anaking trying to muffle his guffaw.

Ovaltine ran back in. "There's no one in sight!" he cried.

"Hey Ovaltine," called Anaking saucily, "You have to kill yourself now!" he giggled.

"What?" cried the Chancellor, clutching his bosom.

"You. Have. To. Kill. Your. Self!" said Anaking, enunciating every word.

"What do you mean!" said the chancellor wildly.

"Remember? We agreed that you would have to kill the first person to walk out that door. Well, you were the first person!" said Anaking, proud of himself.

"Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh..." stammered the Smith Lord, very scared.

"So?" said Anaking expectantly, tapping his foot.

"Well, you see, um, uh, heh heh, um, I didn't realize, uh, what you, um, meant, heh heh!" he stuttered visibly shaking. "Hey look!" he shrieked, "Something shiny!" Anaking turned to look and the Light Lord of the Smith darted out as best he could.

"Wheeerre's the shiny thiinng?" whined Anaking, sulking profusely. "Hey, where'd he gooo?" he pouted, throwing himself a pity party. He sadly tossed a handful of confetti in the air.

Anaking shoved his hands in his pockets and pulled his new fedora low over his eyes and ran to go see Mace Pepperspray about Ovaltine.

"Young Smoopywhopper I presume," said Mace airily, and rather haughtily.

Anaking checked himself. "Last time I checked!" he said worriedly, pulling out his speeder license. "GAH! Just kidding, It's mine!" he slugged Mace good naturedly.

Mace was annoyed.

"Oh, hey! Um I was just up with the chancellor and he told me the strangest thing, ya know," he lay a hand on Mace's shoulder. "He said that HE'S the Smith lord!"

"What?"

"Yup."

"We must arrest him!" cried Mace, thinking he had come up with the most brilliant plan.

"Yah, that's what you, like, DO!" said Anaking flippantly, examining his gross nails with contempt.

"COME!" hollered Mace. Three other Jedi hopped out of nowhere, and they all jumped on a ship.

"Can I go?" asked Anaking looking at Mace with his best puppy dog eyes.

"No, it is best if you stay here. I am going to take these other Jedi who really STINK at fighting so they can get killed, and we can have a cool fight scene, and you turn to the Light Side!" sang Mace cheerfully.

"Oh. Zounds good, mon!" said Anaking bouncing off to...wherever he was he was going.

Mace and the awful Jedi flew off. Anaking watched them and then went up to the empty council room. He checked over each shoulder and began rummaging through the game cabinet. He pulled out Parcheesi, Twister, Backgammon, and a few puzzles before he found his prize. Monopoly. He tore the top of the box off and stuffed all the colored money into his satchel. He rose to his size eleven feet, turned and smacked right into a large Christmas tree.

"GAH! ECK!" he screamed, before he realized that it wasn't alive. "Oh, it's THAT time of year again, eh?" he muttered, and then promptly tripped on a halfway-strung garland. "Grrrr," he growled.

He slung the pesky decoration out of the way and stormed out. He was going to sue the butt of the Jedi council for this outrage. He jumped into a speeder, and zoomed off towards the Chancellor's abode.

He stopped soon after to buy himself a hot pretzel and a coke and was invited to play a game of checkers with some old toothless man.

He lost the game and shot a stream of rather foul words at the old coot, throwing his hands in the air and dropping the rest of his pretzel. The passers by, stopped to watch the spectacle, and Anaking was tossed into the gutter by the old man who had been a wrestling champion.

He slunk back to his speeder and had a dozen rotten cabbages thrown at his head. He ducked, fortunately, and sped off again.

He arrived at the lawyer's office at around five seventeen. There was a big pink neon sign that read, "Welcome to John Hangman's! We will sue the butt off ANYONE for ANYTHING! We guarantee that you will get a whole 0 percent of the profits! We take take take, and steal steal steal, to get YOU absolutely NOTHING! We only charge one gazillion dollars per hour! Come on in!"

"Just what I'm looking for!" cried Anaking, only reading the first line. "I really want to sue Mace's butt! HA! What a shock he'll get! THINK OF IT! The Chosen One SUING his master! HA!" he slapped his knee and threw his head back with laughter.

He entered the office, which was very plush and luxurious and sauntered up to the receptionist. "Yes, may I help you?" asked the lady, who was sitting there.

"By golly you can!" said Anaking slamming his fist on the counter.

The lady jumped.

"A wee bit flighty today, are we?" he asked impudently.

She looked annoyed for a moment, but then the fako smile returned. "Would you like to see Mr. Hangman?" she asked.

"Let me see," Anaking rubbed his chin as if in thought, "no, I wanna see Michael JACKSON!" he yelled sarcastically. "Of course I want to see Hangman! What kind of a STUPID question is that?" he hooted contemptuously.

Her smile fell for a moment, but then she plastered another to her face. "And what is your name, my good sir?" she asked, a bit flummoxed.

Anaking pointed to the large nametag he wore, annoyed. "What does this say, lady?"

"Um, Anaking Smoopywhopper?" she said, feeling rather foolish.

"Wow! You do have SOME intelligence! It is the SHOCKER of the MILLENNIA!" he hollered loudly, mightily pleased with his witty remarks.

The poor woman pressed a large red button, and said into a speaker, "A Mr. Smoopywhopper is here to see you, sir." She turned and smiled her fake smile at Anaking who glared at her.

She rose, motioned for Anaking to follow her, and walked down a long, blue, wallpapered corridor. At the very end, was a door painted gold with a small eyehole in the upper half. Anaking peered though it. All he could see was another eye. The two eyes looked at eachother for a moment, before the receptionist opened the door quickly. A muffled yelp was heard and then a thud.

There was no one there. The lady hastily checked behind the open door and an older man was there, lying on his back with a bruise on his forehead.

"Oh dear!" she cried, "Should I fetch a doctor? What happened?"

"Some idiot opened the door in my face," he moaned.

"I am so sorry sir!" cried the bewildered receptionist, clasping her hands.

Anaking calmly stumbled across the room and fell into a faux fur chair with a zesty animal print. The lawyer got up, pushed the lady out, and slammed the door in her face. He then brushed his hands off and turned around to face Anaking, who was quite impressed with the lawyer's antics.

"THAT my friend, is how we at Hangman's law firm, treat those on our opposing side. Cigar?" he offered, lighting one up for himself.

"Oh, no thank you," said Anaking, pulling out a yellow file from his coat.

"So, how might I be of service to you this evening?" Hangman puffed, the Cuban making a pleasant, but suffocating smell.

Anaking folded his hands and placed them on the silvery desk, very business-like. "I am looking to sue the Jedi Council, in particular, a certain Mace Pepperspray, on a basis of leaving dangerous holiday embellishments where one might trip on them. Which I did. I have acquired from that incident, a cut across my left elbow, and a bruise on my ear."

Hangman nodded all the while Anaking was talking. "So Mr. Smoopywhopper, are you, yourself, a Jedi?"

"Yes, last time I checked!" he said worriedly, pulling out his speeder license. "GAH! ECK! It's mine," he chuckled as a funny look came on the lawyer's face. "HA! It worked on you too! Hee hee!" he giggled, loud and annoyingly, folding his wallet back up and shoving it in his back pocket.

Jedi weren't allowed to have pockets, but being somewhat wild, Anaking courageously took up a needle one day and attempted to sew on into his robe. He forgot to use thread, however, so he had to do it all over again using thread, which he bought at the local craft store. He found it very stupid not to be allowed to have pockets, or marry, or even eat soft pretzels. That is why he did all those things. He figured that suing a Master was also against the rules, so he decided to do that as well.

His thoughts meandered back to the matter at hand. "So Hangman, can you win the case?"

"Well, that will depend..." said Hangman, his eyes shifting back and forth. (The Shifty Eyes is what Mopy Khan called them.)

"Depend on what?" asked Anaking.

"Well, on how much...ah..._cash_ you are willing to pay up," he said, sleazily puffing his cigar.

"Oh, that's no problem!" Anaking said brightly, producing his satchel. "I got enough moola to buy the craters on Snaka Paranoidia itself!" He opened the case, and shoved a ton of green, blue, pink, white, and tan bill onto the desk. He leaned back proudly, and fell off the chair, which didn't have a back. He got up sheepishly.

Hangman stared at the fake Monopoly money that was worth only nine sixteenths' of a cent. The Cuban dropped out of his mouth.


	12. Fun With Lawyers

Hey! I finished this next chappie! Enjoy, peeps! R&R as usual!

Ps: I ALWAYS forget to put a disclaimer, so here's one: Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story...blah blah blah, so if someone wants to sue me, he can jump off a bridge.

Hee hee. Adios!

Chapter 12:

"This is FAKE money!" said John Hangman, attempting and failing miserably to keep his composure.

"Nuh uh!" pouted Anaking, "I got this from a REAL monopoly set!"

"You can't REALLY buy things with it, though!" yelled the lawyer, becoming as red as the shirt he was wearing. "It's FAKE!"

"Fine!" replied Anaking brightly, "its real fake money! Now we BOTH get our way! Am I a genius or what?" he slapped himself on the back.

Hangman's face began to contort. It was as if he was trying to be pleasant, and yet, not being able to keep the nasty snarl that was coming, away.

Anaking bounced in his chair and glanced around the room happily, unaware of Hangman's mood. "So," he said conversationally, "when are we gonna get this lawsuit off the ground?"

Hangman passed out.

"What a travesty!" cried Anaking. He rose, reached into the lawyer's drawer, and pulled out a fat wad of REAL cash. "Hey! More monopoly money! I guess this is worthless too..." he said wistfully. "So I wonder why, if he thinks it's worthless, he collects it? Oh well. I better throw it out the window, and someone who needs it for their game can have it."

This decided, Anaking went over to the open window, and tossed the lump of moola out of it. He brushed his hands off and left the room, the lawyer still out cold.

He sauntered past the reception desk, turned to face it and said to the lady, "WELL! I must admit, that Hangman sure is a sucker for game money." He walked out and away from the bamboozled receptionist.

He bounded into his speeder, slipped and got a few bruises, vowed to sue the speeder company, and zoomed off.

Meanwhile, Mace and the un-skilled Jedi stealthily crept up to Ovaltine's office. The door was shut, and nasty heavy metal rock music (if it can even be CONSIDERED music) was coming from behind it. Mace pressed his ear to the door and listened.

"GAH!" he gasped, "it's...music!" he said, very stupidly. "Okay, here's the plan. You all fight really bad, and I fight really well. You all die, I corner the chancellor, but then Anaking comes in and tell me not to kill him, and I listen to him because I have no backbone. Then he chops my hand off, and the chancellor kills...me...uh...wait. This doesn't sound too spiffy for me!" he realized.

Then, the green Jedi with the weird eyes opened the door. Ovaltine had loud heavy metal rock blasting on his boom box, and he was fast asleep, with the straw in his mouth yet again. When the Jedi entered, he woke with a start. "Hello Master Mace!' he said, spitting the straw out and placing the empty cup on the coffee table.

"You are under...uh..." said Mace, forgetting what to say.

"A spell? A bridge? A llama? Under the weather?" volunteered Ovaltine cheerily.

"No..." said Mace rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"Arrest?" said the green Jedi.

"THAT'S THE ONE!" yelled Mace happily, pointing his frightsaber at Ovaltine menacingly. "You are under arrest, IDIOT!"

"Are you insulting me, master Jedi?" snarled Ovaltine, as best as his denchers would allow.

"Um..." said Mace.

"I think so," said the bug-eyed, green Jedi.

"YEAH! What he said!" hollered Mace, waving his neon purple saber dangerously near the green Jedi.

Ovaltine rolled his eyes.

Meanwhile, as Anaking was racing towards the chancellor's place, Padmé was staring out her window with another amazing dress on. All she did all day was walk around the house, and change dresses every few hours. Suddenly, as she flipped through the baby book, she saw the perfect names. She dialed Anaking on his comlink and waited impatiently for him to pick up. Finally, after seventy-nine rings, he picked up.

"Talk to me!" he bellowed, sounding an awful lot like Arnold Swartzenegger.

"Yeah! Ani! I found THE perfect names!" she squealed.

"What?" he asked tiredly.

"Letty and Betty!"

"But what if one's a boy?" he asked, not liking the names.

"FINE! I GIVE UP! You can name them PETER and MOSQUITER if you REAAAALLLY want to!" she screamed waving her arms dramatically.

"Okay!" replied Anaking, happy to have gotten his way.

Padmé hung up abruptly.

Back with Mace and Ovaltine, the chancellor had drawn his frightsaber and lunged at the other Jedi. He killed them immediately, for they STUNK at fighting. But we must remember that Ovaltine was not a very violent man, and so he was horrified at what he had done. "What have I done?" he cried stumbling backwards and a single tear in his eye.

Mace skipped around, jabbing at Ovaltine who was sitting in his chair looking horrified.

The Anaking burst in. "He must stand trial!" he yelled, and then went very red, for he saw that mace was not even trying to kill Ovaltine. He walked over to the stunned Ovaltine, and said, "Come on, my old friend, let's get you out of here."

"I'm too weak! Ahhhh!" Ovaltine yelled as his knee replacements gave way. "Stupid doctors. BAH!" he grumbled. "Hey, Ani, did you know that two plus nine equals fifty-seven? And blah blah blah the dumb rabbit went down the road, yaddy yaddda yadda," he babbled, finally going insane.

"Don't listen to him, Ani! Ahhhh!" hooted Mace, as Ovaltine began dancing the waltz with him. "Get away form me, coot!" shuddered Mace, pushing the old dude away.

"Don't let him push me! Ahhhh!" whined Ovaltine, pretending to be weak. "I'm...I'm..I'm too weak..." he stuttered, falling down.

Anaking watched him, then caught him in mid-air, and forced him to hold himself up using one of those railings.

"I I I I, I can't hold on any longer!" he complained, falling down. "Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"

Anaking, who was tired of him, slung him over his shoulder, and plopped Ovaltine back into his chair. Then he turned to Mace.

"I am SUING YOU!" he yelled.

"What for?" asked Mace, bewildered.

"Oh don't play all INNOCENT with ME, Mr. Slimypants!" he shrieked. "You KNEW that all those holiday decorations would trip me! You WANTED to kill me!"

Mace sighed. Why did HIS life have to be so darn confusing? He did not even know about any holiday decorations. It was against the Jedi Code to decorate.

REVIEW I DOTH COMMAND YOU!

-D


	13. Swimming Lessons With Mopy Khan

Hey everyone! Sorry it took me so long to update. School has been tough and I have also had writer's block. But I got over it and here's the chappy! Enjoy, and do not forget to REVIEW!

Chap 13: Swimming Lessons With Mopy

Anaking stood there glaring at Mace, one eyebrow raised slightly and hands on his scrawny hips. Mace glared right back at him. Ovaltine watched them, nervously glancing from Anaking to Mace and then back again.

"You DID put the decorations there!" yelled Anaking jabbing his long, accusing finger at Mace.

"Did not!" screamed Mace in return.

"I did!" hollered the chancellor, mightily.

"WHAT?" cried Anaking, "I thought you were my FRIEND!" he bawled.

"Gooooood," said the chancellor sounding very evil.

"You are a whack-job!" said Anaking turning his back on Ovaltine.

Ovaltine rose from his chair, slipped, and fell into Mace who was pushed out the window.

"GAH!" screamed Anaking with horror, "now I can't sue him! Wha ha ha ha ha!" he sobbed, loud and annoyingly, wiping his nose on the chancellor's robe.

Ovaltine was shocked. "No! I'm a MURDERER!" he gasped, almost having heart failure. He flailed weakly at thin air, groping wildly for his frappuccino. Anaking handed it to him and plummeted into a fluffy chair.

Anaking threw his gangly arm in the air with disgust. "How COULD you?" he ranted, "I had the PERFECT plan and you just HAD to go and KILL the guy! Ya know, I should sue YOU for killing the guy I was SUPPOSED to sue!" he babbled incessantly, brown hair and stringy arms flying in all directions.

Ovaltine was taken aback. "It wasn't like I MEANT to kill him!" he said, slurping a juicy sip of his drink. "And besides," he continued, licking his shriveled lips, "YOU were the one who started all this hubbub, what with the suing and everything! It's not like I did anything!" he pouted, licking the foam off his mouth.

"WELL..." said Anaking searching for an answer, "YOU are the Smith Lord!" He nodded, seeming to think his reply quite valid.

"Well now, isn't this just dandy? Oh sure, go and blame it all on the Smith! Well I'll tell ya somethin', Sonny-Boy, you better watch it or else you might just turn into a Smith yourself!" Ovaltine hobbled to a couch and sighed as he sat. He eyed Anaking who was still seated. "I can save the ones you love...join me...use the power of the Light Side of the Source! And together, we can RULE Starmegabucks!" motioned Ovaltine pointing persuasively at his latte and wiggling his eyebrows in the usual Smith fashion.

Anaking looked at the drink. Then he looked at Ovaltine. "I don't love anyone!" he said incredulously.

"What about Padmé? I can save her from drinking Dunkin Donuts coffee!"

"Well, will I get free muffins?" asked Anaking slipping his hand into his empty pocket, wishing for the lovely metal feel of credits.

"Yeeees," said the Chancellor eerily, and rising. "You are fulfilling your destiny, Anaking. Become my apprentice. Learn to use the light side of the Source."

"Okay. I will do whatever you ax. On only one condition! You MUST give me free stuff!"

"Yes, yes, it is all arranged for. Good. Good. The Source is strong with you. A powerful Smith you will become. Henceforth, you shall be known as Darth . . . Persuader. Rise Darth Persuader. Hee hee hee!" he cackled insanely. "Because the Jedi council tried to kill you, Anaking, and you survived the attack..."

"Wait, I thought YOU put that stuff there!" recalled Anaking.

"Uh...heh heh heh! Um I was lying, Ok? Anyways, I believe they will kill us." The chancellor was slowly turning evil.

"I agree. The Jedi's next move will be against me. Grrrr, that stupid Mace. I really wanted to sue his butt." pouted Anaking.

"Hey, now that attitiude is something to go on!" cried Ovaltine, his drink swishing in its cup as he moved. "We must kill the Jedi to keep them from attacking. They are relentless. They will not stop until you and I are both as dead as that goldfish I had when I was little." His mind wandered off and he got a distant look in his baggy eyes. He snapped to attention. "Do what must be done Lord Persuader! Once more, the Smith will rule the entire coffee community! And then we shall have lattes."

"I understand, my Master."

Back on Utapounce, Mopy Khan rode up to cone Commander Snowy. The annoyed cone chucked a frightsaber at Mopy's head. "I think you lost something," he said dryly.

Mopy Khan did not notice it. "Not to worry, we are still winning _half_ the battle." With that, he rode off quickly toward a concession stand.

"Always on the move." Commander Snowy pressed a button and a little hologram appeared. "Commander Wesley Snowy, execute order, fifty-five...or...wait. Was it forty-four? Thirty-three? Twenty-two?" Someone came up and whispered something in his ear. "Oh right! Heh heh! I mean, execute order eighty-eight."

"It will be done my lord."

"Ordah eighty-eight?" said a cone with southern accent. "Whay would he want us to exahcute that one, Wezleh?"

"Oh, I don't know. It must be some senator's birthday."

"What ordahs will yall be givin' out?"

"Um, tell lieutenant Arnold to bake the pizza, um, and have private Ryan mop the banquet hall on Floorescant. No, the one in the main hall."

"Aye, aye sir!" the cone ran off.

Wesley heard the familiar jingle of his comlink and he hastily dropped his blaster and fumbled in his man-purse for the little device. He was always teased about carrying a purse, but he insisted that it was a bag. Still, everyone called him Man-Purse Wesley. (Not a very intelligent name though.) He spoke into the com. "Yes I do need a cake. Yes, for...um...let me see...um seven days from now? That's correct. No, no, nothing too fancy. Ok. Thank you. Oh yes! That will be for Commander Wesley Snowy. Yes. Thank you!" he hung up and told a nearby cone to look for General Kleenobi. He began looking through his binoculars when he spotted him. "Call him!" he ordered. "No no! Not BLAST him! CALL him!" he yelled as the half-wit cone shot at poor Mopy Khan who was eating a sno cone.

Mopy dove off the cliff just as the shot rang. He flew wildly through the air. He looked around with mild disgust. "Flying is for droids," he muttered as he splashed into a pool.

TWWWEEEEEEEET! A shrill whistle danced through the air to reach Mopy's ear. "Hey! You there! No diving!"

Mopy Khan bobbed above the water, rubbed the liquid out of his eyes, and looked around. He did not see much because at that moment a large beach ball was hurled at his face. The rubber sphere bounced off his nose and landed on the water next to him. He chucked it back in the direction it had come from. He slithered to the edge of the cement swimming pool and crawled out of it, resembling very greatly a soaked ferret. He was only a good deal fatter. His fine Jedi robes clung to his body like a second and very heavy skin. He shook himself out, slicked back his hair, and marched dejectedly to the bathhouse.

Screaming kids with tired mothers were running all around like wild banshees as poor, wet Mopy Khan tottered into a changing room, stripped, wrapped himself in a fluffy towel and went to blow dry his hair. He returned after he had fried his hair and put his clothes in a nearby dryer. (Placed close by for your convenience!)

After an hour had gone past and he had used up ninety-three credits, his robes were finally dry. He had had to fight off three crazy six year-olds from stealing his frightsaber, and prevented a little four year-old girl with pigtails from eating his gummy Wookie sandwich. She had a frightful scream and even bit Mopy's ankles. He felt right at home.

Meanwhile, the cones on Mygeeko were in the middle of a ferocious game of rock paper scissors when a wavering hologram of Hearth Smith appeared. "Cone 1138."

"Yes sir."

"The time has now come. Execute order eighty-eight."

"It will be done my lord."

Hearth Smith faded and cone 1138 turned to Lee-Ugly-Pundi, and before the Jedi could defend himself, the cone put a large pink and blue party hat on the Jedi's tall head.

On the flower-planet Achuulia, Jedi Kyllia Security and her cone troops braced for another ambush of sneezes. "AH AH HOOOM!" she spluttered.

Commander Cone Fly handed her a tissue before sticking a party hat on her head and a little tweeter in her hand.

Foda, on Plastyyyk, dropped his glimmer stick, clutched at his bosom and rested against a wall.

On Snaka Paranoidia, another cone watched the little hologram.

"Execute order eighty-eight."

"It will be done my lord."

Bu Foon was driving his ship merrily when the four cones with him dressed him up as they had the others.

On Slauteme, Brass Fallie was driving her speeder bike. She had just had a little bell put on it so she could ring it whenever she wanted. Her two cones came up on either side and stuck a hat on her head.

On Plastyyyk, Cone Commander Spellingbee listened to the hologram and then marched over to Foda with two of his men. Foda used the Source and cut their heads off. "AH ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" he cackled insanely. Chewie picked the insane little green guy up and carried him away.

On Floorescant, Anaking had been given the order and so went with a few hundred cones to the Jedi Temple. He marched out of step at the front, his hood pulled low over his eyes; giving his all-famous Smith glare.

He entered a room where a bunch of Jedi younglings were huddled playing Parcheesi. He ignited his frightsaber.

Muahahaha! What will Anaking do? Well you'll just have to return to find out!

REVIEW OR ELSE! Hee hee hee!


	14. NinetyThree and FortySeven Sixteenths

Chapter 14: Ninety-Three and Forty-Seven Sixteenths

Okay. This chapter is a little shorter. But still good I hope. :D

"**Slacker."**

"**Hey, be quiet Mopy. Don't get on MY case. I have school out the wazoo, sports, band, art, shopping..."**

"**Yeah yeah. Never ANY time at ALL? Come on! L A M E lame."**

"**Hey. I resent that. Do you want me to kill you off in this story? Do ya? Huh?"**

**(Glumly) "No."**

"**Fine. Then start being nicer."**

"**Okay, (mutters) Miss Bossy-Pants."**

"**THAT'S IT, MISTER! Now you get to baby-sit my brother for an hour while I shop. Oh and by the way, clean the house while you're at it."**

"**What! Darn."**

"**Muahahahaha! And when I get back, there are plenty more things to do around here. Let us see, the grass needs to be mowed, the hedges trimmed...oh! I really need new curtains!"**

"**Nooooooo!"**

"Master Anaking," called out a little boy holding up his game piece, "there are too many of them! What are we going to do?" he asked, pointing at the other kids who we quarreling over the rules.

"Too many of what?" asked Anaking, confused.

"Too many rules to follow!" said the boy slugging a small kid next to him.

"Oh. That's easy!" Anaking tripped and fell headlong onto the board. He snatched the pamphlet out of the sniveling kids' grasps, flipped his spectacles on, and read the instructions. "Oh yes. I remember now. But we seem to be missing some money." He looked around as if he expected the money to magically appear. "Hmm. Well now. We must go see John Hangman. He has all the money we need."

"But," said the boy, "I didn't think you needed money for Parcheesi."

"Oh heck! You always need money for everything!" pshawed Anaking waving his hand.

The kids reluctantly got up and followed Anaking out and to his speeder.

The cone troops were very surprised to see Anaking walking with a bunch of Jedi Younglings. They had expected him to kill them. But Anaking, being very dumb, had forgotten his orders and was only thinking about the crazy rules of Parcheesi. The cones had been killing all the Jedi, and there was great, billowing smoke rising from the temple.

Padmé looked out the window of their penthouse apartment (being a Jedi and senator couple paid off) she saw the smoke. She was immediately outraged at the thought of Anaking having a barbeque without her. "They're probably laughing and saying nasty things about me!" she thought sadly, thinking about the crunchy taste of Fray's sweet cream and garlic chips.

Meanwhile, Whale Banana sped toward the Jedi Temple in earnest. He furrowed his brow and nervously licked his lips in concentration. He had never gotten the hang of flying. He swerved crazily and skidded to a stop on a landing platform outside the temple. A legion of cones marched up to him. One cone punched another cone for marching out of step. "Come on Chip!" he yelled, waving his arms.

"Chip ahoy!" yelled the rest in unison.

The cone named Chip glared at them.

"You HAVE to march the right way! Dress right cover down!" They all held out their right arms. "Shoulder Firelocks! Left, Right, Left, Right... columns of one to the front MARCH!"

Poor Chip stumbled and then picked up the tempo. One of the fifers in the playing line held up his fife and then began playing a jolly tune of Battle Hymn of the Republic, as the bass, and snare drummers thrashed out a lively beat. "Right WHEEL!" cried out the lead. After the song, they stopped, but continued to high step. The lead fifer held up his fife and they all came down on their right foot; except for Chip. He came down on his left.

"CHIP!" screamed the commander.

"Chip ahoy!" cried the others.

"Be QUIET!" hollered Chip, who was bright red.

"You MUST learn! Here. Watch me. Left, riiight..leeefft...riiiggghht...leeeefft..."

"I GET IT!" screamed Chip.

"No...you don't. When the lead fifer holds up his fife, you ALWAYS end on you RIGHT FOOT! GET IT?" yelled the commander getting close to Chip's face.

"Got it." Chip replied sullenly.

"Good. Now BACK IN LINE PRIVATE CHIP!"

"Chip AHOY!" hooted the others joyously.

Whale Banana watched this scene with amazement until a random young Jedi leaped out and began slashing the cones. "I am INVINCIBLE!" he cried.

"You're a loony!" muttered Whale as a cone shot the boy. He hastily drove off.

Mopy Khan thought that the cones had turned against him, but when he met up with one, and he ended up with a party hat on his head, he realized that they were only executing order eighty-eight.

When Emperor Hearth Smith heard what his cones had been doing, he flew into a rage. He immediately killed the person who told him to command order eighty-eight. He went to the Smith Library to see what order he DID want to give. He knew that he wanted all the Jedi killed, and was very relieved when he heard that the cones that attacked the temple had done the right thing. He discovered that the order that he wanted to command was order ninety-three and forty-seven sixteenths. He sent the word to all the cones.

**Hahahaha! I can picture Mopy sewing curtains! Next time I will have to think of more stuff for Mopy to do. If anyone has any suggestions, please R&R, and I will put YOU in the dialogue! Hee hee! (if you want!) :D **

**Ps. I got this idea from a friend. It's really fun! Hmm...mabey I can even make a story line for it...hmmm... well, with that thought for me to chew on, Isaygoodday!**

**LOL! **


	15. A Large Wooden Badger

Hello again! I was so exited, that I wrote another chapter! My friends think this is my funniest one, but I dunno. Anyhoo, have any of you guys thought of what I should have Mopy do? Oh by the way, thanks for your review **Tinuviel-Telcontar. **I am soooooo happy you enjoy my story. That's the entire reason I write them! I would be so depressed if no one reviewed.

Anyhoo, on to the story!

**Me: Oh, Mopy, after you get me my iced tea, could you pick up my clothes from the Laundromat?**

**Mopy" (grumbles): Fine. But this is it. After this, I'm free to go bowling. **

**Me: Kay. **

**Whale Banana: Have you seen my dipstick?**

**Me: No. What are you doing here?**

**Whale: Trying to find my dipstick.**

**Me: Why do you need a dipstick?**

**Whale: Don't you need a dipstick to see how much water is in the pool?**

**Me:...no...that's to check the oil in a car...**

**Whale: Oh...anyhoo...**

Chapter 15: A Large Wooden Badger

Meanwhile, on Plastyyyk, Foda, Chewbacca, and Snarfull trudged across the landscape of the beautiful planet. Several cones passed close by, but they were not discovered. They came to a clearing, where the lovely Plastyyyk stars twinkled glitteringly from the sky. Foda hopped off Chewbacca's shoulder and pulled some branches from around a little ship.

"GoodbyeSnarfullgoodbyeChewbacca. MissyouIwill," he said hurriedly, despising the entire 'farewell' charade.

Chewbacca and Snarfull were very happy to see him go. He was a tiresome little thing. Whale Banana had made it to the Almond Starcruiser and was rapidly prattling to Captain Hot-Chilies about his close encounter with death.

"So then I was like, cornered by thousands of troopers, but I go away just in the lickety-split nick of timeo!" he said, sounding like a teenage girl.

Captain Hot-Chilies rolled his eyes.

Whale continued, "Oh, like, BTW, did you peeps happen to get a hold of Jedi home-made bacon?"

"Um, you mean a _homing_ _beacon?_" asked Hot-Chilies, annoyed.

"Noooooo...bacon."

"What in the name of Stupid Gungans is Jedi home-made bacon?"

"Well, it's bacon that you cook...at ...home?" he ended lamely.

Back on Utapounce, Mopy Khan was hiding from the cones and listening to their conversation.

"Did you find Kleenobi?" asked one.

"No one could have survived that changing room with all those dangerous kids!" said the other, shocked.

"Why do we want to kill the Jedi again?" the first asked, tugging on his holster belt.

"Um...because we have no minds and the emperor told us to."

"Oh. Okay!"

Mopy shifted away in hopes of finding an empty ship with the keys in the ignition. "Wow!" he thought," I found one!" he eagerly hopped into the ship and zoomed away.

While he was flying, he began to worry about the other Jedi. He hastily spoke into his comlink. "Hello, testing, testing, are any other Jedi out there?"

A fuzzy image of Whale Banana appeared. "Kleeobi.." the image flickered.

"Hello? Hello? Repeat!" cried Mopy.

"Mister Kleenobi?"

"FOR THE DARNED LAST TIME! Its MASTER Kleenobi!" Mopy hollered, going blue.

"Oh...yeah...anyhoo.."

"My cones turned on me. At first they had just executed order eighty-eight, but then I think they began to do order ninety-three and forty-seven sixteenths!" he prattled, waving his arms.

"NO!" gasped Whale clasping his hands, "not ninety-three and forty-seven sixteenths!"

"The same," said Mopy.

"I will send you my...uh...coordination."

"You mean coordinates."

"Oh...yeah...anyhoo..."

Anaking sped home with all the kids in tow. He was rather irritated. He wished he had taken his Master's advice and showed no mercy. 'Mercy, HA! Weakness. That's all mercy is.' He thought grouchily, as he stopped two of the kid from murdering eachother over a fake ply of money. He delicately stepped out of his ship and onto his balcony, careful not to fall. He met Padmé coming out of the other room.

"I heard there was a barbeque at the Jedi temple. You can see the smoke from here." She pouted.

"There wasn't, there wasn't. I came to see if my bunny slippers are safe."

"Captain Typhoon's here. They're safe."

"The situation is not good. The kids can't figure out how to play Parcheesi..."

"I can't believe that!" she cried.

"I couldn't either. But it's true..."

"No, no. I don't believe that playing Parcheesi is the real trouble."

"Oh. Well...um..." he tried to find a suitable answer but could not remember why he was trying to kill everyone. "Oh...heh heh...just...um...the Jedi tried to take over," he made up off the top of his head.

"Anaking, what are you going to do?"

"I will not betray the Republicans. My loyalties lie with chocolate malts, smoked herring, and with you." He said valiantly.

"What about Mopy Khan?"

"I dunno. Many Jedi have been killed. We can only hope he has been killed as well."

"You mean, loyal to the chancellor," she reminded.

He thought about this thoughtfully for a moment. "No...I meant what I said."

"Oh Anaking, I'm mad."

"Have some milkshakes my love. Everything will soon be set bright..uh I mean right. The chancellor has given me a very important mission. The Separates have gathered in the Mustafart system. Wait for me until I return. Please...wait for me." He said dramatically putting his hand on his chest. He grinned at Padmé impishly.

He bopped into his speeder with the screaming kids and whooshed off.

Mopy Khan docked in Whale Banana's starcruiser later that day. He sauntered down the halls looking for the Banana. He peered trough all the open doors in hopes of catching a quick bite to eat before meeting the idiotic Whale. He entered a door labeled 'Mess Hall'. He soon discovered that it was not the usual cafeteria with gross slimy food, but a real Mess Hall. It was a disaster. There were stray blaster parts and tops of Achuulia Strudel. An old worm-eaten couch sat there piled with bits of glass and papers and a leftover McDonna's bag with a half-eaten crispy strip.

He smelled the stench and bolted. He ran directly into Foda and Whale.

"You made it," said Whale dryly, picking himself off the floor.

"Yeppers!" said Mopy happily giving Foda a hand.

"Not good to see you it is. Always topple me over do you!" screamed Foda biting Mopy's ankles.

Mopy sighed. Good 'ol times. "So," he said conversationally, "have we hard from any other Jedi? Have we been invited to any parties?"

"No parties have we been invited to," sighed Foda.

"I saw thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands and..."

"SHUT UP!" yelled Mopy and Foda at Whale.

"...thousands of cone troops heart attack the temple!" he continued.

"Heart attack?" questioned Mopy.

"Yeah. You know what I mean," said Whale grumpily.

"No."

"Well we have received a coated retreat massage from the temple," said Whale proudly.

"A what?" asked Mopy not understanding what Banana meant.

"A coded retreat message he means," interpreted Foda.

"Oh."

"It tells all the remaining Jedi to return there. It says the war is over-easy," continued Whale, making no sense.

"Like as in, 'I want my egg over-easy?" asked Mopy, thinking about a nice hot breakfast with eggs and bacon and pancakes and prune juice and lemonade and croissants and bagels and cereal and...

"No. Says the war is over the message does," deduced Foda.

"Oh," sighed Mopy wearily. "Then we must go back. If there are other stragglers, they will fall into the trap and be killed."

"What? Who goes back?" said Whale warily.

"Foda and I."

"Suggest dismantling the coded signal do you?" asked Foda.

"That's not a good idea!" said Whale.

"Why?" asked Mopy, "do you have a better one?"

"Well...if you built this large wooden badger...OW!" he cried as Mopy slugged him.


	16. Star Registry

Ok. I have now decided that I will write all the movies, which is why I HAVE to turn Anaking into Hearth Persuader. Now, I have been thinking up some names for Luke, but I haven't been able to decide on one. One of my friends thinks I should keep it Luke, but I think that's too boring. Ok. Here're some ideas that I found on (they obviously rhyme with luke) : Fluke, Puke (I think Puke would be a little to gross) Nuke, Duke, Juke, Kook, and Spook. I was kind of leaning towards Duke, cause I like the sound of Duke Smoopywhopper, but I dunno. So if everyone could review and give me their votes, I will use the name that gets the most votes.

Oh, and thanks to all my new reviewers, Phate3092 and Rachel anon. I really appreciate your thoughts.

I think I have decided to call A New Hope, Star Floors: A New Dope; The Empire Strikes Back will be Star Floors: The Empire on Crack, thanks to the suggestions of Beefeater anon. THANKS! Um, The Attack of the Clones might be Attack of the Cones, unless someone thinks of something different, and Phantom Menace will be Vacuum Menace, unless, again, someone suggests something else. Beefeater also suggested for the Return of the Jedi, to be The Burn of a Dead Guy, and I like that one, but if someone could give me more of their ideas I would appreciate it. Now all I need to decide is which one do I do next? Should it be a New Dope, or should I go back and write The Vacuum Menace first? Please let me know what you want, and I shall do it!

Thanks a million, peeps!

Enjoy this chappie! (The fight scene will most likely come in the next chapter)

P

Chapter 16: Star Registry

On the lava planet of Mustafart, Cute Dumbray and the other Separate leaders were gathered around a large hologram of Hearth Smith.

"The plan has gone as...uh...planned my Lord," said Cute sleazily.

"You have done well, Viceroy. I am sending my new apprentice, Hearth Persuader. He will take care of you."

Then he faded.

In another ship, Mopy Khan, Whale Banana, two pilots and Foda headed towards Floorescant.

"We are receiving a message from the Chancellor's office, sir," said one pilot.

"Very well. Patch it through," said Mopy, sounding strange.

Mess Amanda in all his ugliness appeared on the screen. "Do you want to name a star after someone? For only fifty-four ninety-nine, name a star after a loved one, and it shall be recorded in the Galactic Star Registry. Give the gift that shines forever and name a star after someone," he spake.

"What is this? A dopey commercial?" muttered Mopy shutting the screen off.

The link blinked again and they took the message. It was Mess Amanda again. He pointed at poor Whale. "Senator Banana, the Chancellor of the Republicans requests your presence in a special meeting of Congress."

"You want my presents? But I just had my birthday; why would he want my new stuff? That's not fair!" he cried, hugging the slinky that was his present.

Mess Amanda was befuddled.

"Wants you at congress does he, not your slinky he wants," said Foda.

"Oh. Tell the old coot I'll be there."

"He'll be expecting you," replied Mess Amanda coldly, his blue blubbery chin wagging.

"Do you think it's a trap?" asked Mopy, sucking some juice through a straw which he had found.

"No...I do not think so. Mess Amanda was always a man...er...alien of his word," said Whale confidently.

"Yeah...riiighht...well, anways...let's get a wiggle on, here," hollered Mopy boxing Whale on the ear.

As they were chatting, Anaking was busily flying to John Hangman's Law Firm to get some monopoly money for the bratty kids. He screeched to a halt, grabbed the kids, and yanked them into the office. This time, the new (and improved!) receptionist was as glum as a ten year-old who had been promised ice cream if he won the soccer game and then lost. She looked glumly up at Anaking, and even glummer at the seven younglings. "Yeeess," she sighed, glumly looking glum. "Whaat can I dooo for you?" she moaned, making every word an effort.

Anaking stepped up to the enclosed counter. "I need to see Hangman; it's a matter of great importance."

"Fiiiine. Wait heere pleeese."

The kid had begun a jolly game of freeze tag and they immediately tagged Anaking. "GOSH DARN IT ALL!" he screamed. He hand never excelled at physical sports; however, he did very well at checkers.

So there poor Anaking stood, still as a statue, as all the kids ran out and stole his speeder. "GAH! NO! COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE INGRATES! Oh brother."

He ran out the door just as Hangman came into the room. "Was that Anaking Smoopywhopper?" he asked the receptionist.

She looked glum. (What a surprise!) "Judging by the large yellow nametag, I'm guessing he was," she replied glumly.

"Thank goodness he left," said Hangman popping a Cheese Puff into his large, gaping mouth.

Anaking promptly stole Hangman's luxury speeder and bolted. "That was a cinch!" he thought happily at he turned on the built-in seat massage. He flew to the chancellor's office, switched ships, and sped to the Mustafart system.

When he landed, three and nine twenty-thirds hours later, he hopped jovially out of the ship and pulled his hood low over his eyes. Suddenly, remembering he was supposed to be a Smith Lord, he hastily ran back to the ship and put his orangey-red contact lenses in. This took him a while, for he had no mirror, and kept on putting the lenses in the wrong way. He finally remembered the pocket mirror his godmother had given to him when he was seven. He then proceeded to put the contact in correctly. Confident, he skipped, very un-Smith like, to the doors. "I'm pretty cool, yo!" he thought to himself, gazing at his reflection in the gleaming glass doors. After that quick boost of self-esteem, he continued on his cheery way.

He entered the doors, which opened before him with nary a squeak, and down a long hallway. "Golly Gee Willikers!" he thought, "this place needs some re-decoration!" as the place was very dull.

He burst in upon the Separate Leaders with an all-famous Smith battle cry.

"Hearth Persuader," Cute Gunray greeted, "what an unexpected surprise!" He said fakly, knowing quite well that Anaking was coming.

"Save it," said Anaking blankly, annoyed at the fakeness of the leader. "I have more important things to think about."

"Like...?"

Anaking spread his mouth into a long tight grin, like a shark. "I shall just have to thing of _something_!" he wiggled his ears, attempting to be intimidating. He began killing the leaders.

Mopy Khan and Foda pulled up at the smoking Jedi temple. They watched as cone battalions marched about for no apparent reason, for they had already killed everyone. Mopy reached for his frightsaber and thought back so he could remember how to turn it on. He flicked the switch and on it went. Foda and he began a cone massacre. It was quite amazing, really, that neither one of them was killed, for they were horrible fighters to say the least.

They ran about, slashing and hacking anything that moved, which included the official Jedi parrot, Lucifer, and a darling kitty from the alley near Harman's Package shop which they had named Vodka.

After all the local wildlife had been slaughtered, they meandered into the wide-open hall of the Jedi compound. Dead Jedi and cones were lying everywhere, and Mopy couldn't help but recognize some of his old classmates. "Hey, there's old Higgins from the third infantry of Mullica! Oh, and there's Betsy Clark from Mr. Walkerton's first grade history class!" Mopy was quite happy as he strolled down Memory Lane. Why he had never recognized those people while they were alive, no one can guess.


	17. Of Insane Asylums

Hi everyone. I must say I was very disappointed in the number of reviews I got on my last chapter. I had been hoping some of you would vote on what you thought would be the best names for the upcoming stories, but oh well.

Thank you **Phantom'sJediBandieGirl **for your comments! I really like what you suggested for Leia's name. I kept Chewbacca's name the same because I couldn't think of anything that would fit. Thank you so much for reviewing.

**ATTN: I want to dedicate this chapter to Phantom'sJediBandieGirl for being my most faithful reviewer. Thank you very much for sticking with my story!**

Anyways, on to the next chapter!

**PLEASE REVIEW!** **:-D**

Chapter 17:

They made their way to the council room where there was an enormous mess. Every single game had been taken out and strewn across the room.

"Who could have done this?" asked Mopy in shock.

"The Smith..." Foda said in an eerie voice. "Mwa ha ha ha ha!" He cackled insanely.

Mopy looked at Foda with a strange expression on his face. "Anyways, we had better disable that message."

"Agree with you I do," said Foda, hopping after Mopy, a grin on his face.

"Are you High?" asked Mopy, looking closely at Foda.

"No!" shrieked Foda, hastily hiding his joint.

"I see. Well, crack or not, you still have to come."

"Yeppers!" sang Foda, clapping his hands gleefully.

Mopy rolled his eyes. They made their way to the place where the coded message was programmed. Mopy fumbled about for a while and tried to program it to say, "Stay away from the Jedi Temple! Danger!" but accidentally made it repeat, "Play away from Jedi Pimple! Hanger!" He tried ever so hard to change it, but in the end, he left it as it was. "Uh, I have...oh...blast. Nevermind." He sighed as Foda passed out on the floor, a grin on his face.

Mopy picked the green guy up and went to the hologram room to watch his favorite holovision show. He set Foda on a chair, and popped his own recliner out. He flipped the holovision on. But as he settled back, he noticed a little camera on the wall and remembered that the temple had a security system. "What'll they think of next?" he chuckled to himself. He moseyed over to the little holoprojector and pressed play. He saw Anaking slapping some kid over the head for pulling his ear. He continued watching as Anaking tripped and fell onto the Parcheesi board. "Oh Anaking! Clumsy as ever!" Mopy Khan thought fondly. As mopy thought back, he remembered all the fun times he had with Anaking. "Golly! Where IS Anaking?" Mopy shrieked.

"Why don't you ax Padmé?" mumbled Foda.

"Hey! That's a spiffy swell idea! What are you going to do?"

"Weell...after I eat something I shall probably go see the Emperor."

Mopy pulled up at Anaking and Padme's apartment fifteen minutes later.

"Hey cutie!" squealed Padmé, coming out onto the patio in a pouffy pink dress.

"Uh...hi. Say, have you seen Anaking lately?"

"Of course I have Mr. Cutie-pie! He's only my husband!" she tittered.

"Will you knock it off? Geez. He's your what?" Mopy howled.

"Um...I need to change...heh heh!" she flounced off.

Mopy wiped his brow. "Blast! JUST when you think you know someone. "

He waited around until Padmé came back wearing a green silk dress with black stockings and gloves and a red head piece that did not match at all.

"Threepio could you get me some...oh...you're _still_ here are you?"

"Yes Madame. Where is Anaking?"

"Well, I really couldn't say...it's just that...well...he did say something about turning to the dark side and going to the Mustafart system..."

"WHAT?" shrieked Mopy having no clue of this.

"Oh yes," said Padmé airily, proud of knowing something Mopy did not know, "he passed this way. The day before yesterday. He met something he did not expect. Does that comfort you?"

"Uh...should it?"

"No."

"Well then why did you ask?"

"Because...I have to change."

Mopy wiped his brow again. "I will not go insane. I will not go insane. I will not go insane. I will not go insane. I will not..." and repeating this to himself repeatedly, he jumped into his intergalactic speeder and sailed off.

Meanwhile on Mustafart Anaking said to himself, "And I look over my slaughter with a crazed look in my eye. Why not both eyes? Do I even HAVE both my eyes?" He looked in a nearby mirror. "AH! Sweet victory!" he sighed, glee written on his face. Was it really written? And if so, was it in Times New Roman, Blackladder ITC, or Edwardian Script? And more importantly, does it really matter?

After Padmé changed, she decided to go find Anaking. She argued with Captain Typhoon for an hour and thirty-nine minutes about various things- none of which were even remotely important- and finally went on her way.

Mopy who had only pretended to fly away, sneaked onto Padmé's ship in hopes of finding candy.

Her sleek ship landed on the fiery planet in the system of Mustafart. With his red eyes, Anaking spotted the ship. "Ah ha! Here at last!" he held up his finger like a mad scientist; an insane look on his handsome face.

Padmé ran (rather quickly for a pregnant lady) over and embraced Anaking. "Oh Anaking! I was so worried!" she dabbed dramatically at fake tears.

"About what?" asked Anaking, befuddled.

Padmé tapped her chin. "Well...now that you mention it..."

"AUUUGH!" screamed Anaking who was bright red. He began to choke himself.

"Anaking! What are you doing?" howled Padmé. She slapped his ear.

"FINE!" hollered Anaking.

"All I want is your milkshake recipe!" she said, sadly.

"The recipe won't do it, Padmé! Only my new chef powers can do that!"

"BLASTED NO GOOD SON OF A...!" came a voice from inside the ship.

"Who is that?" cried Anaking.

"I have no glue!" said Padmé.

"You mean 'no Clue'."

"That's what I said, halfwit!"

Mopy Khan stumbled out, strings of candy goop dribbling down his scruffy chin and a tazer gun fried to his palm. He was hopping around and blowing on his smoking hand.

"I'm living in an insane asylum!" screamed Anaking, grabbing his head and covering his ears.

"No, you only _think_ your living in an insane asylum," said Mopy, peering into Anaking's face intently.

"Did you get hold of Foda's joint?" asked Anaking, looking into Mopy's drugged-out eyes.

"Praps!" hooted Mopy Khan.

"My candy!" shrieked Padmé.

"My sanity!" cried Anaking.

"My pinkie toe!" sobbed Mopy.

"That makes no sense," reproached Anaking, looking angrily at Mopy.

"No...of course not...I AM high ya know!" retorted Kleenobi wiping his nose.

Anaking bit Mopy's ankles.

Mopy kicked Anaking in the mouth.

Anaking bit harder.

Mopy kicked harder.

Anaking bit harder still.

Mopy thumped Anaking as hard.

Anaking...well...you get the picture.

Mopy drew his frightsaber.

As always, please review!

-D


	18. Hip to Be Square

**Thank you to all my faithful reviewers! Sry that it took me so long to write this chapter. My mom wouldn't let me write it until I finished this MAJOR paper. UGH! Anyways, I hope you enjoy it, and as usual, please don't hesitate to heartily review! Ty!****  
**

**Chapter 19: Hip to be Square**

Mopy was still batting his steaming hand clumsily about in the air while lighting his frightsaber. "Stupid nasty despicable horrible wicked shameful vile loathsome tazer!" he screamed, accidentally batting Ani across the forehead.

"Right! I'll do you for that!" cried Anaking lunging for Mopy who was still blowing on his hand.

"It was an accident...I..."

"LIAR" screamed Anaking pacing like a madman.

Mopy honked Anaking's nose.

"OW!" he cried furiously, honking Mopy's nose in return.

While Anaking was nursing his sore nose which had turned quite red, Mopy sneaked up behind him and tried to pull Anaking's milkshake recipe out of his pocket.

"NO! You will not take it from me!"

"Your anger and crust for flower have already done that!" retorted Mopy, speaking in reference to Anaking's famous flower piecrust.

Anaking threw off his cloak, revealing tight flashy spandex pants and shirt.

"What the heck are you wearing?" cried Mopy in shock.

"What...this?" he said looking at his outlandish outfit.

"Yes that!"

"Oh...I just think that it is hip to be square," he said nonchalantly.

"What in the name of...oh never mind," sighed Mopy.

Anaking busily smoofed his hair to look like an afro. "Peace, mon," he said dopily, showing the peace sign.

Mopy chortled.

"I see through the truth of the Jedi. I do not fear the light side as you do. I have brought war, injustice, bondage, and insecurity to my new Empire," spoke Anaking, looking out from under his eyebrows.

"Your new Empire?" Mopy said incredulously.

"Don't make me kill you."

"Hey...take it easy...why would I make you kill me? That is like...suicide. My allegiance is to the republicans; to democrats!"

"Wow. You're an 'All around' kind of guy, huh? See, now I think that it is better to be either republican or democrat. Being both just doesn't sound right."

"Only a Smith deals in absolutes. I will do what I must. And hope I don't rust. I will steal your crust," Mopy hit himself and faced Anaking who was reading the declaration of independence.

"See now...it says here that...oh wait...never mind." He looked up and saw a very angry Mopy. "Yikes!" he squealed and bit Mopy's ankles.

"OW!" Mopy roared, spittle flying from his lips.

"Say it; don't spray it!" reproached Anaking, drawing his frightsaber.

"Say it I will, and Spray it I will," said Mopy, Foda style.

"You will try," said Ani grimly, throwing off his afro.

Mopy snickered, seeing Anaking in his spandex.

They began The Battle of Heroes, even though neither one could rightly be considered a Hero.

Mopy slashed at Anaking who jumped out of the way, crashing into a bowl of Pop Tarts. "Mmmmm. Tasty!" he exclaimed, popping one into his large mouth.

Mopy, seeing his chance, lunged at Anaking who, while still munching his tart, source-pushed Mopy across the room nonchalantly.

"GAH!" cried Kleenobi, smashing his yellow haired head on a console.

"Hahaha!" snickered Anaking. "Tart?" he offered.

"Yes thank you!" cried Mopy gleefully. He reached for the delectable pastry, only to have Anaking pull it away and chomp it down, giggling like a madman the entire time.

"GIMME ONE!" screamed Kleenobi.

"Last one!" laughed Anaking, amused.

* * *

Back on Floorescant, Foda entered the Emperor's office, using the Source to kill the two guards. 

"I hear a new corvette you have, Emperor. Or should I call you Hearth Smith," said Foda, trying to look intimidating.

" Master Foda. You survived," snarled Ovaltine.

"Well," said Foda thoughtfully biting a long fingernail, "if killed one is, lost a very important part of life he has," he said wisely.

"True," the emperor agreed. "Not dying IS the key to living."

"Exactly."

"Well, I do not want you to live. Goodbye." Ovaltine used his pink Smith lightning and zapped Foda.

* * *

Continuing the unparalleled action and suspense of Mustafart, Mopy and Anaking were fully engaged in their battle. Neither one knew why they were fighting; they just knew they were. Mopy clashed sabers with Anaking repeatedly. 

"This is getting tiresome," sighed Mopy as his frightsaber clanged against Anaking's for the gazillionth time. "Hey, let's look at the Jedi Trick Book!"

"SWELL!" cried Anaking, wiggling around, trying to stretch out his spandex.

"Why are you wearing that anyways?" asked Mopy again.

"Cause if I didn't, I'd be naked. Geez." Anaking grumbled condescendingly.

"No...I mean...oh blast it all," muttered Mopy who was exasperated.

Mopy and Ani sneaked over to a console and opened it up. They found the Jedi Trick Book cleverly hidden in a pile of trash. "OPEN IT!" hissed Anaking excitedly, in a loud whisper.

"Listen, if you do not want to be heard, you speak in a soft whisper. That one you just did was loud enough for my old master Qui-Gon to hear!"

"Why wouldn't I be able to hear it?" asked Qui-Gon.

"Hey!" cried Mopy angrily, "I was trying to be metaphoric. And what's else, YOU aren't even supposed to be here!" Mopy jabbed a finger.

"Oh." Qui-Gon disappeared.

Mopy wiped his brow and shook his head.

Anaking was busily looking in the trick book.

"Hey, you started without me!" Mopy leaped over, sat cross-legged next to Anaking, and peered into the book. They looked like three year-olds looking at a picture book of batman.

"So, we could to this one..." suggested Anaking pointing to a picture of a double axel triple luz.

"Hey, wait a minute," pondered Mopy, "this is the Jedi ICE Trick Book!"

"So...your point is...?" questioned Anaking stupidly.

"We need the Jedi SABER Trick Book!"

"Oh, this one?" Anaking ran out to the landing platform and brought back his cloak.

"No, Ani, for that last time...a book has pages...and words! That is a cloak!"

"Wait for it..." Anaking's tongue hung out of the corner of his mouth as he dug in the depths of one of his many pockets. "AH!" He pulled out a dictionary-sized book which must have weighed him down tremendously.

"So THAT'S why you weighed so much at the annual Jedi weigh-in!" exclaimed Mopy, his eyes bright with tears of laughter.

"No, I weighed so much because of the twenty cans of pickled herring I keep in...here," he produced a can from a pocket.

"Good grief," sighed Mopy.

**As I say, pleeeeaaaassseee review! Tyvm!**

**:D **


	19. The DAWN of the Empire

**Hello my friends. I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry that I haven't updated. We had to get our computer re-formatted and I still haven't been able to retrieve my files. I was in the middle of writing a new chappy when the comp was taken in to be fixed. I had hope that I would have been able to get the files back soon after, but my father didn't know how to get them back. (screams) Anyways, I gave up and just started from where I left off in the main story since I couldn't remember what I had previously written. Oh, and to some of my newest reviews I want to say thanks and that I appreciate them mightily. **

**Thank you: Sweet-Krazy for the fabulous review. I hope you continue to review my stories, and thanks for the hilarious suggestions! **

**Thanks to: A Person for reviewing also! I am really glad that you like my story. :D**

**And finally, Thank you: Super Tinfoil Man Part 2  for _your_ review! I hope you enjoy this chapter and continue to review! **

**You, my reviewers are one of the only reasons I post on here. I live for reviews. So thank you all so much for bearing with me, and I hope to see you all again soon!**

**Ps. I will most likely be posting a new story on Darth Vader called: Man In Black. It is humorous but not silly like Star floors is. Star Floors is a wacky story while Man In Black is more serious but still has humorous aspects to it. It is not a parody, but an AU. I figured that I would write most of it before I posted because I am horrible at posting on a regular basis. You guys are going to be the first to know about it, and in one of my later chapters of this current story, I will most likely write a summary so you can decide if it is something that you would be interested in reading. Enjoy this chapter and: Tally ho! **

Chapter 19: The DAWN of the Empire

Foda sneaked into Ovaltine's office, trying and failing miserably to be as silent as possible. But being high has its disadvantages, for he kept stumbling into various wall hangings and vases making a tremendous amount of noise.

Ovaltine sat at his desk with enormous spectacles teetering on the brim of his nose as he looked over forms and letters he had to sign. He was getting horrible carpal tunnel syndrome, and felt quite miserable. His eyes looked bulbous through the thick glasses and did not help his deteriorating appearance in any way.

Foda crashed his green self into the room stumbling and landing on his nose. Ovaltine looked up through his goggles and cackled, pointing at Foda who appeared to be dead. He lay there for another quarter-hour until Ovaltine decided to get rid of the body. "Guards, take this thing out!" The guards moved to pick up the Jedi master, but he began to move before they reached him. He lifted his head, looked around, and then sat bolt upright.

"I don't think he's dead, sir," said the guard.

Foda made no reply, only reached into his pocket, (yes Foda had pockets too. Anaking wasn't the only one who felt that having no pockets was a stupid rule) Anyways, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a huge juicy ham sandwich with extra mayo that was as big as he himself was. He chomped it down.

"Master Foda, you ate the whole thing," said Ovaltine in shock.

"Surprised?" retorted Foda, licking his fingers. A funny look came over his face. He dug into another pocket and pulled out a bottle of alka-seltzer. He chugged the whole bottle down. He grinned. "Say, do have a sink?" he asked.

"Um…yes…" said Ovaltine.

"Goodie. Be right back!" Foda dashed off. He rounded a corner and skipped into the kitchenette. He simply needed to wash the mayo off his hands so they wouldn't be slippery when he fought Ovaltine. He reached for the Dawn soap and poured an enormous amount into his palms. "Oh in the sunny dawn, oh in the suuuuuuuuuuny daaawwwn, I take my pickles and fry them till they're crispy!" he sang. One could tell by his singing that he was quite doped up.

Ovaltine wondered at all the commotion and followed the horrid screeching. When he looked in on Foda, all he saw were bubbles and suds. All he could hear was Foda's ear-splitting singing and running water. He pushed his gangly way through the soap and tripped over the small Jedi who was covered in suds.

"And wheeeen the sun goes dowwwwwwn, I reach…I reach…and waiiiiiiit FOR DAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWN!" he finished on a horrid note.

"Dawn?" asked Ovaltine.

"Oh yes. Dawn cleans everything," replied Foda holding the half empty bottle. "In fact, it could be made into the official soap of the new empire," he suggested, waving the bottle of fruity clean magic in front of Ovaltine's overlarge nose. Foda dropped the bottle and grabbed a roll of paper towels to dry his hands with. He wiped his hands and slammed the crumpled towel into the waste basket. "THREE HUNDRED POINTS FOR ME!" shrieked Foda. "Now how 'bout that 'ol offer?" he solicited.

Ovaltine rubbed his chin. "You do have a point," he admitted. (Which showed that Ovaltine was as high on crack as Foda was.)

"I have three hundred points," rebuked Foda, folding his arms proudly.

Ovaltine nodded absentmindedly. He glanced at the gleaming container of Dawn. He eagerly shook Foda's hand. "You got yourself a deal!"

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Meanwhile, Anaking and Mopy Khan were still looking for the Jedi Saber Trick Book.

"Where the 'ell could it be?" muttered Anaking kicking over a trash can.

"Anaking! Language!" replied the shocked older Jedi.

"Yeah, yeah, Padre. Just keep lookin'," Anaking said haughtily.

"Let's think. Where would it be hidden? Where is a place where no one would think to look? Think!" pondered Mopy.

"Well," said Ani, "If it's in a place where no one would think to look then we wouldn't think of it," he said sensibly.

Mopy ignored him. A red light flashed at the top of the screen. "Ani look! A sign! This means that we're closer to finding it!"

Anaking looked dubiously at the flashing signal. He sat on the floor, wearied by the searching. His gawky fingers plucked aimlessly at a loose tile in the floor. He picked at it so hard that it came up. He ventured to peer inside the opening. "LOOOOOK AT WHAT I FOUND, MOPY!" he screamed shrilly in a high-pitched, whiny voice.

"I oughta slug you a good one," yelled Mopy in return. He still went over to see what Ani had found. He desperately hoped it wasn't a two-foot long baloney chicken sandwich.

Anaking pulled out the Jedi Saber Trick Book. "HaHA!" he hooted, "I found it!" he punched the air, jumping up and down. He fell on his face. "OW!" he roared.

Mopy snickered, snatching the trick book. He looked back at the furious Anaking. Then, he saw something in his eyes…well, he only saw himself upside-down and tiny…but he knew Anaking was thinking murderous thoughts at the moment.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Hi everyone!!! I'm back!! Sorta a short chappter but I hope you enjoy!! Please R&R!

-Monty Python

Back with the two stoners, Foda checked his watch. Well, he really didn't have a watch but he didn't know that. "Well," he sighed looking up at Ovaltine who was busily testing whether Dawn tasted as good as it smelled, "I suppose we should get on with our fight."

Ovaltine finished off the bottle of dish detergent and hiccupped. Some bubbles came out. "Yeah I guess." Ovaltine looked wistfully at Foda.

Foda did not look wistful at all. He looked crafty, which, given the circumstances, was very difficult.

"Maybe we shouldn't fight and just be friiiieeen…" Ovaltine began, before Foda Source-pushed him across the room.

Ovaltine cackled insanely. "That does it. I am now going to be known as Mr. Floyd. Now I shall be INVINCIBLE! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

"Your faith in your new name misplaced may be, as is your faith in the weed," said Foda calmly. They began fighting.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Meanwhile, on Mustafart, Anaking and Mopy were fighting more interestingly because of the Jedi Saber Trick book. They worked their way into the control room, sparks flying everywhere. (No, not THOSE kinds of sparks. Sick people.) Anyways Anaking was having a fit because his beautiful locks of hair were being mussed. He therefore pretended to be deathly out of breath…an act that he greatly exaggerated by throwing himself down on the floor and wriggling about while gasping for air.

Mopy was quite annoyed and kicked Anaking in the head. Anaking took no notice and promptly bit Mopy's ankles.

"AUUUUUGH!" Mopy screamed dancing around on one foot, holding the other.

Anaking found the whole thing most amusing so he whipped out his mirror from his fanny pack and slicked back his hair. He then did a few meager stretches to try and make the spandex a bit roomier, but he figured that all the baloney sandwiches and pickled herring had finally gotten to his gut. Patting his growing stomach, he lazily grabbed hi frightsaber and attacked Mopy who was sitting on a console busily pondering why discarded celery was called discarded celery in the first place, while nursing his ankle.

"HI MOPY!" yelled Anaking happily, slashing at the older Jedi.

"Aw geez, Anaking, can't we take a lunch break?" It's getting awfully hot in here."

"LUNCH BREAK!" Anaking was gone in an instant and back again in the same amount of time. "Say, aren't you coming, Mopy?" he asked as if he had been waiting for years.

"Yeeees I'm coming. Just take it easy will ya?" Mopy sighed wearily.

"Easy, shmeasy," Anaking waved Mopy off.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

They arrived at a small café on the far side of Mustafart. They were quickly seated for there wasn't anyone else there. A droid handed them their menus and poured some water into a few glasses.

"Gee thanks!" exclaimed Anaking, "you're the best! A swell fellow!" He slapped the droid good-naturedly on the back.

"Heaven preserve me," sighed Mopy.

"You know, Mopy, I saw a nice little tattoo shop back aways, whaddya say you and your old pal get a few after luncheon?" He winked at Mopy.

"No thank you!" Mopy yelled. "Those needles could have deadly diseases on them!"

Anaking chuckled. "Good old Mopy, as wet a blanket as ever!"

"I hope so. Lets order."

Review I doth command thee!


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